I Tend to Daydream...

And my daydreams come often, and vividly. Lately, all I can think about is Aimee. Of course for a while that's all I could think about. It literally took her getting married before I finally stopped thinking about her. Along with dreaming of the future, I have reflected on the past a lot lately. I was telling my friend about how I basically broke up with more than one girl for Aimee. And I realize that may put me in a position to where I seem like a flakey boyfriend. That I get bored and move on quickly. But that is far from how I see it. To me, It shows how much I truly love her. It may seem rather counter intuitive, I'll give you that! But let me expound some, and perhaps it will become clearer.

I have had a fair share of long lasting relationships. One of which lasted 2 years. I didn't end this relationship. I was fully committed. I am however very glad things have turned out how they have, otherwise, I dont know where Aimee and I would be right now. But, I never once looked at another girl and thought of dating them. My commitment was to the girl I was dating and her alone. Every other relationship I have been in, I have never ended to be with another. All except the two where Aimee was involved. Whenever Aimee has come up in my life, I realize that there is a girl out there that I would give anything to be with. The first time I had broken up with a girl for Aimee, there was a lot going on in my life and a lot of big decision making. But Aimee just has something about her that inspires me. She moves me. And I realize that I doubt I will ever find it anywhere else. So I do whatever I can to be with her. Every. Time. She has something about her I could never get enough of. And I think all these years I have known that she was the one for me. The love I have for this girl I feel I can never place in words. She inspires me, she comforts me, she brings me the greatest joy, and I cant get enough of her.

I might also add that each time I dropped everything for Aimee, I didn't know how things would turn out with Aimee. The first time I wasn't even sure if she liked me. But I knew each time that the way I feel for her is how I needed to truly love. And I saw how thats not what I had. I pursued Aimee each time, but I had no idea how it would turn out. I don't know if thats faith or just plain crazy! Either way, I know the love I have for Aimee is the type of love every husband should have for their wife. And even after 10 years of a lot of crazy things happening and life and marriages and divorces, I still feel the same for her. Even when she didn't feel the same for me. I know that if it hasn't changed by now, it never will. She is all I have ever prayed for.

Now I am unsure if this makes any sense, but I just want to clarify any thoughts anyone has about why I broke up with other girls for Aimee. Its because she has that spark. That special something people spend their entire lives looking for in another. I just pray that she will always feel the same for me.

I daydream all too often, and I just can't get Aimee and my wedding out of my head. I seriously can't wait. Aimee doesn't like to think about it too much, but I think I make up for it! Right now is tough, but I do realize our dreams will come true. And she will be loved every day as she has deserved to be loved all along. She is my Eve, my penguin, my friend and my love. I love her so.

Being There

I really don't like to compare David with other guys I have dated...it just isn't fair to them. But sometimes things happen where it makes me remember how other men in my life have reacted to similar situations and how David just outshines them all. David is definitely the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Allow me to explain:

Today there was a weird family emergency. Everyone is okay, but shaken up. My mom couldn't be alone, but my dad was away on a business trip. I thought to myself, "Self, I wonder if David would go over and stay with her." But then I thought,  "No, self. That is probably weird. David and I aren't even engaged (yet) I shouldn't treat him like a husband or anything. I shouldn't expect him to bail out my family in times of crisis."

A few minutes later I was telling David what happened. Immediately concerned, he asked, "Who's with your mom? Do you want me to go over and take care of her?" My heart was filled with love for him. He is such a caring and kind person. I know he would do anything for me or my family. And that is just so different from what I'm used to.

Here is a similar example. Now again, I don't mean to compare, but it just makes me realize how grateful I am for David.

Okay. Picture this: Aimee, Dad, and Mom go to Europe. Dad and Mom get severely ill and need to get back to the states. Dad needs medical attention immediately, so he needs to stay in a hospital in Philadelphia for a few days while mom sees her super amazing doctor in Phoenix. At this time, I am unofficially engaged to a boyfriend. He had no job at the time and no commitments. So I begged him to go to Philadelphia and watch my dad while I took care of my mom.

He said no. He told me that I was expecting too much of a boyfriend. He said that he wasn't my fiancee or my husband yet. Why should he have to take care of my family's issues? This situation ultimately led to our breakup. I never forgot how abandoned and let down I felt.

Okay, flashback over. David could easily have ignored the situation today. I mean we aren't legally bound to each other yet. But he wants to be there for us. For me. And so he went over to keep my mom company for a few hours until my Dad's flight got in.

I don't think David knows how much that small act of kindness and commitment means to me. It shows me that I can count on him. That he won't turn away when things are emotional or difficult.

I have always wanted to be in a relationship with a man who would be my rock when I needed some support. And I am so glad that I finally found one after all this time.

Even though we are far away from each other right now, it amazes me how David manages to be there for me.

I love him so much!

Prayers

Last night, I had an interesting experience. Aimee finds out today if she gets her dream job! We are both on edge and excited but nervous.... We have our fingers crossed! We understand that if it doesn't happen, that it is the Lords will. He is watching over us, and will do what is best! One thing that I loved was Aimee said something that melted my heart. She said "we need this." Now, I will say I have come close to marriage before, yet, I never felt a sense of 'us' in the relationship. A sense that the actions of one effect the other. I mean, obviously if one cheated on the other, it would! However, I mean more along the lines of fiscally, and planning, and things like that. I have never felt that a relationship with another was really a unit of one. I never realized this had occurred. Sometimes you don't realize things till you have the contrast. I thought I was connected before, yet with Aimee, I have a strong sense of connection I have never felt before. And she makes me feel that way. And it blows me away.

I came to this full realization last night while praying. I was saying my prayers as usual, and I was putting thought into it... but I was kinda just saying what I usually say, then this came out: "Please bless that Aimee and I will get the rest we need..." I was like woa! I suddenly realized that I had always prayed for someone ELSE. But I had never prayed for US. Even with my family. This is difficult for me to explain! Sorry! Normally, I would say: "Bless Aimee that she will get her rest" or "Bless Aimee that she will do well in school" or "Bless Aimee..." But I have never prayed for another person as a function of US. Bless US that WE will do well in school.... Bless US that WE will get our rest... I guess I have done that for groups of people, but never quite like this. It amazed me. I realized that I view Aimee and I as one unit. As US. And it made me so happy.

I know that what happens with Aimee and I is meant to be. The Lord is watching over us. And I know Aimee and I ARE one unit. We have a connection that I have been longing for my entire life. I louvre her so!

And let me end with this funny pick up line I should have used on Aimee: "Are you from Africa? Cuz' African love you!"

hehe :)

A Tough Day

Being away from your penguin is tough. Invariably there will be terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days.


But.


There is something good that comes out of those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. They bring you closer together.


Some days, David strengthens me. Other days I bolster him up. And on days like today, we both run on empty and our raw selves start to show.


Even those "I got nothin'" days, I am filled with the assurance that we are right for one another. David is never freaked out when I start to cry over a conflict with a roommate. He doesn't bolt when I tell him I just can't figure out what's wrong. He doesn't judge me when I am in a funk. He listens, tries to understand, tells me it's okay to cry, and best of all, says "I love you."


I have come to believe that a celestial marriage isn't about having great days every day...it's more about how you deal with the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. If you rely on one another and trust one another, then it will really be a good day in disguise; you will realize that you love all of one another...even the emotional, irrational, unstable parts.


I do trust David. I trust that when I call him in tears that he will pick up and tell me that it's okay to cry.


I hope he knows that I will do the same and than I will cry with him.


I will say though, I look forward to the times when we can hold each other on those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. Sometimes a "phone hug" just doesn't quite cut it.


I am reminded of this scripture:


1 Thessalonians Chapter 5:
11 Wherefore ^acomfort yourselves together, and ^bedify one another, even as also ye do.


Comfort here means "exhort, console, or encourage. David is such a comfort to me. He is constantly consoling my tender heart and encouraging me to achieve my goals. When I am around him I feel like I can do anything. I hope that I am the same kind of support to him.


I am so grateful that David and I have a real love. "Real" means understanding the state of things as they actually exist, rather than as they may appear or may be thought to be. Real love understands that people are imperfect, fallible. However, real love is loving a person not in SPITE of those flaws, but BECAUSE of them.


It's real, babe.

The list

So today was another difficult day. Another “wake up on the wrong side of the bed” day. Yet, This afternoon the love of my life called me. She knew I was having a bad day, and she was concerned. She cheered me up. I began to think about all the ways I love her. I, being an industrial engineering major, tend to analyze and ask “why” in my own mind quite a bit. I began to think about why I love Aimee. And what it was about her that I loved. I brainstormed and I couldn’t seem to stop. As cheesy as it sounds, there are just too many reasons. I made just a small list of just a few of the things I love about the woman of my dreams.

She is GORGEOUS. She really is. Now, I know looks aren’t everything, but I lucked out. I really do look at her and think she is a model. And for some reason she loves me back…. Weird…

She is kind. I know this is an over used, very generalized term! But it when you delve into what the word means, it encompasses quite a bit. Her phone call today was a fine example. She is just so passionate about all people. She wants the best for anyone she meets, even if she doesn’t like or agree with them!

Her duckface. I don’t know why, I just love it.

The cute noises she makes. Again, I don’t know why, but I love it! And she has different noises of specific things. I think I got most of them down ;)

She dances. I have always loved dancers, and she is one! I think perhaps its because it’s something I don’t consider myself good at, but I want to learn. And she can teach me!

She sings. There isn’t much more attractive than a girl singing passionately and beautifully. And she does both so well.

She is so SMART. Holy cow. I love to learn, and she really is the smartest girl I have ever dated. She just knows so much! And I love to learn what she has to teach me.

She is extremely dedicated. I trust her with everything. I know with my whole heart that she would never do anything to hurt me. And that means so much to me. So much that I lack the words to describe it. I have never trusted a person so much in my life. Save maybe my family.

She is passionate. She doesn’t just have a loose opinion about something, she lives and believes it! And she doesn’t just love, she loves with every piece of her!

She is so strong. I know what she has been through. And for someone to come out of a situation like that a stronger person just boggles my mind. I know that no matter what happens in out life, she can help carry me through as I help her.

She is FUNNY! We so have the same humor. (Most of the time hehe) I just read what she says on facebook and I laugh. Like every time. I love how witty she is. I don’t know how she does it.

We have the same taste in music, movies, etc. I hate country music. I dunno why, I just do. And previous relationships I have been in, it literally was something I struggled with! But alas, I know I will never have to cringe through another country song! At least not at the house J and no. The kids will not be allowed to like country music. (Just kidding. But seriously) and we love the same movies too! Like dumb and dumber!!

She quotes stuff with me. Nuff said.

She is crafty! And she cooks! I love how she makes so much neat stuff! I can’t wait to eat her food. And ill cook for her. But I can’t wait to enjoy her food! Mmmmmmmmm. And I will love all her amazing decorations.

We are on the same page. Alllllll the time.

She is independent! I know that she relies on me. But I am also comforted in knowing she can handle herself if needed.

She loves me. I love that she loves me. I don’t deserve her. She is far too amazing. But I still know she loves me. And it makes me want to cry at times to think how amazing she is, and how she feels the same for me as I do for her. I find it hard to believe.

I could go on and on. She is amazing. I would do anything for her. Being away is difficult. However, I do know we will be together. And there will come a day soon that I will be able to come home to her, protect her, provide for her, take care of her, love her, kiss her, hug her, and share everything most precious to me any time I want. She is my penguin. I love her.

Meant to Be

When I last visited Arizona, David and I shared our patriarchal blessings with one another. It was a very special experience to get a glimpse into the future that Heavenly Father has in store for each of us. In each of our blessings, there are great things that we are supposed to accomplish, and I think I speak for both of us when I say that I am excited to achieve those things together.


I hold my patriarchal blessing very close to my heart, and I also value my father's blessings as well. I have all of the blessings he has given me over the years transcribed in a three ring binder. I read through them once in a while. Just recently, I began leafing through the pages and a letter in the back caught my eye.


It was a letter dated  June 23, 2007.  It was written by my mother, a goodbye written for me when I moved out and went to BYU. It is a "Mother's Blessing" of sorts; it is her advice and her hopes for me as a started a new phase of my life. In this letter she mentions a trial that I had just gone through--my engagement and subsequent breakup with that fiancee. (Yes, I've been engaged twice so far. Third times a charm, right?) One of the main reasons that Fiancee #1 and I didn't work out was that he put me in a position that forced me to choose between him and my family. And I chose my family.


This is what she wrote:

“I also want to thank you for choosing me and the rest of the family a few months ago…and I hope that we will always live up to that choice and that you will never wish you had chosen a different path. After learning the whole situation, my heart is so touched—that must have been the hardest decision you have ever had to make. I know that if I had the same dilemma, I would pick you in a heartbeat and never look back. Family is the most important entity in the universe and one day a young man will come along and he will meld right in with the rest of us and it will be like he had always been there!"

I hadn't read this in years. Probably not since 2007. The last part struck me to the core: "One day a young man will come along and he will meld right in with the rest of us and it will be like he had always been there!"

Oh that I had read that before I got married the first time! In my marriage, I once again found myself forced to choose between my husband and my family. He didn't value my relationship with my family: he didn't care for my parent's advice, he envied my closeness with my mother, on and on. When I read this a few nights ago, I realized that Rodney wasn't the one my mother had been talking about--the one she knew would come along.

David is.

Just today, David texted me that he loved my relationship with my parents. Just today, David took a piece of advice that my mom gave him about his finances and student loans. Just today, David and I were envisioning playing games with my family and participating in the Blau Christmas traditions.

David fits right in. 

He gets how important my family is to me because his family is just as important to him. We both understand the crucial role of the family in God's plan. And while we both know that husband and wife must cleave to one another and create their own family unit, David would never make me choose between my family or him.

When I read my patriarchal blessing and my father's blessings and my mother's blessing, it just become so clear that David and I are meant to be

And So It Continues...

It seems at this point inevitable. I will marry the woman of my dreams. In due time, I will be able to take her hand, lead her to the temple, and be sealed to her for this life and the next. I have never wanted anything more in my life. I must be patient, seeing as how many things need to happen. I will gladly wait. I have waited 10 years, I'll wait whatever it takes. Never before have I been so sure about how I feel about another person. She is the literal translation of all that I ever hoped for, prayed for, even dreamed of. She loves my family, she dances, she sings, she loves to cook, and clean, she's smart, she's organized, she is outgoing, playful, happy, she needs me, she trusts me, we ca talk about anything and everything, we like the same music, the same movies, have the same humor.... You get the point. (I realize that was poor grammar, but Aimee will forgive me ;) ) Words cannot give justice to how I feel for her. Plain and simple.

So this past weekend she came down. 'Twas a dream come true. I had planned exactly how i wanted the weekend to go, but you never know how things will turn out. It turned out to be better than planned. I got to the airport with flowers. (I got complimented 4 times for bringing flower by 3 old men... and one little old lady... I guess I did something right...) I stood there waiting for her to come up the ramp. I saw her and joy filled my soul. We hugged and kissed, and I didn't want to let go. As we walked to the car, I couldn't keep my eyes off her. That doesn't work well while trying to navigate the maze of confusion that is Sky Harbor. I drove her home, and again... I couldn't stop looking at her! I just adored her every look. (As I always do...) We spent time with her parents. I just sat back and watched the dynamics. I saw the love they had for each other, and I was amazed. I hope I can get to that point with them, someday.... They shared touching moments, and I was happy to witness the joy and love displayed. Aimee and I eventually left. We went to fountain hills to look over the cityscape. I won't beat around the bush... we did kiss! Every kiss with her is incredible, and it will never ever get old. But more than that we talked. When we are alone together, I get this feeling that we are one! Just talking with her is bliss.

The next day I worked, and she did "other" things. Of which when I found out what they were, I was extremely pleasantly surprised! I'll let Aimee share, if she feels so inclined. I couldn't wait to see her. She was (and is) all I thought about all day! I had a comfort knowing she was here. Eventually, I went and got her. We went to my friends and enjoyed some geocaching and Tim Tam SLAMS! We also watched some avatar. I just felt at home with her.

Saturday was incredible. We first went to the mall to get Ryan (my brother) a birthday present. What amazes me most about Aimee is even when we are doing something I would normally consider somewhat boring, I have the most fun I have ever had. That's how every moment is with her! Just more reasons why I want to marry her... As I was saying, she went to try on a "dress" and we eventually went to the cabin. We met with my parents for a bit, just chit chatting. We showed Aimee around and enjoyed each others company. They left eventually, so Aimee and I went for a hike. It was the BEST hike I have ever been on! Par for the course... of course! (hehe) we went into town, walked around a little. We went back to the cabin and made dinner. Best dinner I had ever had. We cooked it together (a glimpse into the future, I believe...) It was so fun. We ate, and while cleaning up the faucet exploded. Water went EVERYWHERE. Instead of getting flustered, we just laughed. Again... a glimpse into the future... We watched "Too Wong Fo, Thanks for Everything." I knew she would love it. And she did! It felt good to know I know my babe! We drove home and shared more. We showed music to each other. Sang. It was, YUP! You guessed it! AMAZING!

Sunday I went to her house. I had brunch there with her sister and her dad. It was fun to joke with them. I felt at home. I can't wait to call them my family. We went to my church so I could show her off. OH! and also to be spiritually uplifted. That too. We went to visit my grandma. Aimee just fits right in. My grandma loved her. Aimee just sat there soaking in all that was going on, and I could tell she was enjoying it. Eventually the party for Ryan started. The chaos ensued. And Aimee hopped right in! We sat at the table, and Aimee just joined the conversation as if she already was family. It filled me. I couldn't get my eyes off her. The night ended and I took her home.

That night she had a conversation with her parents. I know her parents are scared. They don't want a repeat. I don't blame them. What Aimee went through was a certain choice level of hell. Her parents were hurt just as well. And I KNOW they don't want Aimee hurt, much less themselves. I know that as far as I am concerned, I will treat Aimee as an angel. I will never loose sight of that. I have been reading Ephesians ch. 5 lately. It really has helped me see that the way I view love aligns with what the lord planned. Husbands are to love their wives as much as Christ loves his church. And we are part of his church. Husbands are to love their wives as much as Christ. Christ had a love so perfect that he DIED for his church. For us. Husbands are to love their wives so much that they are to be willing to go through the same amount of pain as Christ, and even die, all for their wives. That really struck me. And I know that is how I feel for Aimee. I would do ANYTHING in this world or the next to ensure her happiness. I would die for her. I just hope that in time her parents will see that. I know that what happened had very little to do with me, but I still hope her parents understand that.

This post HAS to be the cheesiest yet. But I like cheese. And, I am being honest. Aimee is the woman I have been praying for for my entire life. Everything in my life has lead me to her. Every step I take from here on out will be taken with her in mind. She is my future! I love her.

24 hours and counting...

I'm not one to typically announce my overly obnoxious excitement of an event in my life... usually... But in this case, I am pretty darn EXCITED. The love of my life is coming home for a weekend. I have played what will happen over and over and over in my head. Now we are just T-24 hrs away! (OK now its more like 23.... but who's counting? Oh ya... I AM.) I cannot wait to hold her in my arms, to give her a big kiss, and show her how much I truly love her.

I love you my penguin!

('')><('')"

I Feel the Urge to Post...

So I will! I just want to express some things I have been feeling recently. First and foremost is how much I LOVE Aimee. She is all I have ever wanted in a girl. A while back, I created a mental list of things I want in my future wife. Things included: Kind and loving, outgoing, funny, helpful, likes to meet new people, can sing and dance, likes the same music as me… the list goes on. And I devised a few simple tests! I told myself I wouldn’t marry a girl that couldn’t pass the tests. They were, as follows; 1: I must find her beautiful! 2: she has to hold my dads glass eye. And finally, 3: we have to sing at the top of our lungs in the car. To me, these tests were the perfect trifecta. First, ill be attracted to her. Although looks aren’t everything, it is important in a relationship. Second, if she holds my dads eye, it will tell me a few things. It will tell me she is comfortable with my family, and that although she may not enjoy it, she is willing to get her hands dirty (ewwwww). Finally, when we sing at the top of our lungs in the car, it means she is confident, fun, comfortable with me, and that she will be the one I want to marry! Aimee passed every test. In one day. I was in awe! I finally found her. The girl I had prayed for for all these years! There she was, standing right in front of me.

This also helps me reflect on another neat connection I have had with Aimee. I remember one night, I had been struggling with relationships and generally frustrated with my inability to find the girl of my dreams, and I basically started loosing hope she existed. I felt an impression. My future wife was out there, somewhere. And it got even deeper. I felt like I should pray for her because she was in need. SHE felt alone in that moment. So I prayed. I felt so much peace and comfort that night. And I felt like she knew I was there for her, even though she may not fully understand. Aimee told me of a night where she felt alone, but she felt comforted. And I knew that was the same night I prayed. Cheesy as this may sound, I know that is what happened! Every time I reflect on that night, and look at where we are at, I just begin to be in awe of it all! It all makes sense now.

I have been struggling from being away from Aimee recently. Every day that passes, I become more and more sure she is all I ever wanted. And it is difficult being away from the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I think it is also especially difficult because we aren’t sealed, it scares me. But I believe the lord wants this for the both of us, so I know everything will be ok. It’s just hard. And sometimes because of my struggling, Aimee catches on, and I make her feel bad. I’m far too transparent with her! Which I think is a good thing! I just miss her so much. I want her all to myself (selfish I know… hehe). I just feel like this is so right, and I have been waiting so long for this, and its like “oh you have to wait longer!! Isn’t that great??” and I’m like “NO.” (I don’t know whom I was talking to there…. The universe maybe?) But everything will be ok. I just know it.

That last paragraph was a little downer, but ill make up for it in here… kinda. Hehe! I want to marry her, as we know, and I want to be with her always. I want to propose to her as soon as possible. But there are many contributing factors that complicate things. Her parents for one… I look up to them like you wouldn’t believe. I really genuinely like them a lot! They are nice, fun, funny, laid back, I look to them as I would my own parents. And they are worried. I know they like me a little (haha) but I want them to trust me with Aimee. I want them to know I would never hurt Aimee. And if I do, that I will do everything in my power to make it up to her. I want them to know I will never abandon Aimee, and that this love I have for her will never fade. It has remained the same through 10 years without even being with her. I know it would last for the rest of our lives and beyond! (to infinity… and beyond!) I just hope that they will see that, believe me, and trust me with their daughter. I want their approval! And I will work my hardest to get that, and maintain that forever.

Alas, church is soon. But I just felt like I need to express these things. Aimee already knows these, so I guess this is just going on the internets for myself. A sort of journal if you will! I love that girl more than I ever even thought possible. I firmly believe we can get through anything. Aimee, I love you.

(P.s. sorry for the grammatical errors, and somewhat discombobulated thought patterns.)

The Breakup

I feel the need to explain why David and I broke up when I was 18...

I mean, in hindsight it's like, "Why did you guys ever break up? You're perfect for each other!" But there were reasons and I really do think it was for the best that it happened this way.

I have a hard time remembering, but I think we dated the summer after I graduated. I was staying in AZ and planning to go to CGCC in the fall. I went to Ryan Judd's farewell and saw David there. This time he asked for my number and asked me out. I hadn't had a boyfriend in a few months so I was ready for a relationship, but it started getting serious fast.

David is a pretty intense guy when it comes to relationships. He loves with all his heart--which is so wonderful. It can be a little overwhelming when you're 18 though. There were other things that complicated everything, too:

1. David was/is kind of clingy. I'm not saying this to be mean...he knows it's true! For me, in that time of my life, this was a difficult thing for me to deal with. I would get annoyed easily.

2. Not to be uncouth, but to put it honestly, but I am really attracted to David. Which is of course a good thing, but when you're 18, female, and Mormon no one talks about things like that. I felt like I shouldn't feel that way about him, but I wasn't sure how to tell him, "Um, we probably shouldn't spend a lot of time alone together because I might attack you..." Awkward, right?

3. Life Plans. (I don't think David knows this) I have always known exactly what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go to school, etc. At this time, David didn't seem like he had a lot of ambition. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do with his life, and for some reason I was unsettled by that. I felt like I couldn't figure out how I would fit into his future if he didn't have any idea what that future looked like.

4. David was leaving for 2 years. This was probably the biggest reason. I was never the kind of girl that would ever sit on her butt and write her missionary. So I just figured it would be better to break up before it got serious rather than "Dear John-ing" him halfway through his mission.

All of these things weren't really anyone's fault; just part of life. I guess at that point I wasn't willing to deal with them...I was 18. I wanted to date and have fun...but not too much fun ;)

I think I handled it badly though. I am pretty sure I just stopped talking with David and returning his calls.

I went off to CGCC and found some air-headed guy to date. He was fun, simple, and uncomplicated. I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere and I was okay with that. Simple and shallow was what I wanted at the time.

I wish I could go back in time and explain to David why the time wasn't right for me then. I know that I did a number on his self esteem...and it really wasn't his fault at all. In fact, with just a few years of time, all of the "problems" have resolved themselves! Let's take a look:

1. David is still clingy...but I LOVE IT! After spending 4 years being completely ignored, I now realize that I need to be needed. I am needy and I'll admit it proudly. I love to know that David is thinking about me...because I am thinking about him too. And in his defense, he has gotten much better at being chill when I don't text him back right away.

2. I am still crazy about David, but now I've learned that it's "okay" to feel that way! And I feel comfortable enough with him and myself to be honest about my feelings; so I can tell him when it's time to take me home and he can know that it's not because I'm bored. :)

3. David is so ambitious now. I admire his drive and his intelligence more than ever. We are now so well matched in our thirst for knowledge and our passion for life. I feel like we are an unstoppable team now and that we are going to do amazing things.

4. David is back! Unfortunately now I am the person complicating things... Lucky for me, David is a better person than I am and he has decided that he'll wait for me.

I just hope I don't get a "Dear Jane" letter anytime soon!

David's Utah Adventure

 

I was so excited in the days leading up to David's visit. I planned this perfect picnic with all of these fancy foods, I tried a bunch of different outfits and fretted over how I would do my hair.

It was such a fun weekend. We joked and laughed and acted silly, but my favorite memories are the more serious ones.

The Saturday we spent together was probably the most spiritual day of my life. Yes, even more spiritual than my sealing, although that day was a joyous day. But I will never forget the way David looked at me in the temple. I felt so beautiful. And he told me that I was. I would catch him peeking at me from around the other brethren and I would smile from my soul.

 

One thing I LOVED about the live sessions was the interaction between Adam and Eve. They were equally yoked in all things. Adam was desirous to share his light and knowledge with Eve, and she shared her all with him. They walked side by side throughout their journey, never deviating from their course.

I believe that one of the purposes of the Temple is to teach us what a Celestial Marriage looks like. Adam and Eve faced great trials, but they faced them hand-in-hand.

I have several favorite memories from that day. David and I sat in the Celestial room together, starry-eyed, discussing sacred things together. For once I was not lonely in the Celestial Room. I shared with him my most sacred experiences and I knew he would keep them safe.

 

Sometimes it is the little things. I remember watching the witness couples many times and feeling envious. The husband would take his wife by the hand and lead her to the altar helping her kneel with his hand on her back. Oh how I wished that woman were me! That day in September, David lead me from room to room, by my side, with his hand at my elbow or on my back. We stood together in prayer for others and for the righteous desires of our own hearts. I never have felt so loved or loving. It was a glorious day.

That weekend we drove all over Utah and Idaho. We read parts of Paradise Lost. We shared secrets and spiritual experiences. At times, the inside of that car became a holy place. And I was not lonely anymore.

 

Calling out

It's not that late, but I am missing my beautiful penguin. Long distance is difficult, and I wish it wasn't the case. My better half posted (as you can see) about the Emperor Penguin and their difficulty with long distance. However, they don't have Skype... but still...

Yet, as I read and pondered on what the penguins endure all for each other and their child, I gained a deeper understanding on sacrifice and love. Love, as I have stated before, makes you do crazy things. Although, I do believe love is about lifting and supporting another being, as they support and lift you. A team. Working together to make the other happy. With a foundation like that, any relationship can get through... well... anything! So, back to our penguins, we see that both the male and female penguin sacrifice in order to lift each other up. They take turns bringing food for their child. That is commitment. That is sacrifice. That is true love.

I began to consider myself, and what it would be like to be an emperor penguin. After finding my one true love, bowing to her to let her know I am hers. I then would have to watch her leave. Patiently waiting for her return. Wondering if she will be ok, get enough to eat, if she is staying warm, wondering when she will be back... I would be cold, tired, hungry, but I would do it all for her. I imagined that as I began to see the females return, I would call out for her. I would not stop until she was by my side. After she returns, I then would have to leave her, and worry just as much as I travel to fill our needs.

So here I am, patiently waiting for my penguin to return. She is off getting what she needs, but I know she will be back. And I will never stop calling out for her.

Long Distance Relationships

It is late and I am missing my penguin. I was feeling sorry for myself and murmuring that long distance relationships are hard. And then I remembered that the Emperor Penguin has a tough time with long distance relationships too.
After courtship and breeding, the mommy penguin lays an egg. However, making a baby penguin is really hard work, so she gives the egg to the daddy penguin so she can go to the sea to eat lots of fish. This trip can take a long time, at least 2 months. While the female is gone,The male spends the winter incubating the egg balancing it on the tops of his feet, for 64 consecutive days until it hatches. The Emperor Penguin is the only species where this behavior is observed, since all other penguin parents take turns taking care of their egg. By the time the egg hatches, the male will have fasted for around 115 days. Not only is he really, really hungry, but it's flippin' cold! To survive the cold and winds of up to 120 mph, the males huddle together, taking turns in the middle of the huddle. In the four months of travel, courtship, and incubation, the male may lose as much as 40 lbs!
When the mommy penguin gets back, about ten days after the baby penguin hatches, She finds her mate among the hundreds of fathers by following his voice when he calls for her. She then takes over caring for the chick, feeding it by regurgitating the food that she has stored in her stomach. YUM! But the mommy and daddy are only together for a little while because the daddy takes his turn at sea, spending around 24 days there before coming back.
So I guess it could be worse...

Update!

So, I just wanted to take the liberty to say that I fully believe Aimee and I can and will get through anything. She makes me the happiest person on the planet, and she is beautiful to boot! I'm not perfect, but she manages to still love me! Here's a small list of things we can get through:

A mine field

Troll 2

A unicorn rebellion

All the Twilight movies

A fussy teenager going through puberty

Burnt cookies

Spilled milk (although I may cry)

Locusts

Bad internet connections

10 years of being apart

Calculus

A midget uprising

Really bad jokes (including this one)

Nail breaking

Mosquitos

Moths

Explosive paint cans

Really badly singing babies (not our own of course)

A clown infestation

The discovery that light isn't the universal speed limit

The discovery that the kids got into something they shouldn't have

A black hole

A haircut

Mars

A flat tire

Spilled salt

Spilled salt in the already spilled milk

Baby barf

A failed test

A broken mirror

A ninja attack

A loss of forearms resulting in an inability to shave ones armpits

Utah

The big bang

A bad dinner (made by me)

A bad vacation

Lions, tigers, and bears (oh my)

Really bad sunday school lessons

Really boring speakers (dry counsel sundays...)

Lame concerts

Power outage

The universe collapsing resulting from neutrinos breaking the speed of light.

The list goes on!!

I love her more than anyone will ever understand. She is my Eve, my friend, my penguin. :)

The Return…

Love is, as I believe, the most complex of human emotions. It can lead one to stop eating, stop sleeping; it can cause someone to do something they never have done before. Love can make a person the happiest person alive, and it can drown them in the depths of sorrow. Love is in everything and everyone, sometimes it’s hard to define. For me, love is…. Just love. A complete devotion to a single human being in the moment you are with them. True love is complete devotion to a person indefinitely. I thought I was in love. We pick up our story where I left off; I was in a relationship where I was content. After all, the one woman I had truly loved had slipped through my fingers and gotten married. So I was only having second choices, although I hadn’t been fully conscious of it. I was dating a nice girl. Yet, something was missing. Doubts often would creep into my mind, but I would put them off. The best way to put it was contempt. I was ok, fine, all right; however you want to put it. But, I didn’t have what I wanted.

I posted something on the bookface. It’s a wonderful social media debacle that allows ratings of ones soul in a public setting. And she commented. At first glance I smiled because I always loved hearing from her, but something was different. Her last name was back to her maiden name. ”Waiiiiittttt a minute…” I hopefully thought to myself. “Is she still married?” I had often wondered what my life would be like if she got a divorce, but I never thought it would happen. After all, she WAS happily married right? I went to her page, and looked at her pictures. Every last one of her and her ex were gone. “NO WAY!” I now yelled to myself. I was still unsure, so I wrote her a message. “So…. I don’t want to pry into your life, but are you still married?” I typed to her. She eventually replied: “No, I’m not.” I began to pace my room. A flood of emotions overwhelmed me. I was happy. I had another chance perhaps. But I was still content with my girlfriend…. What to do??? We kept talking. We slowly began to compliment each other. Saying how the person she marries will be a lucky guy. She said something back along those lines (except with a girl of course…). I began to feel at that moment how I felt for her years ago. She had mentioned to me before how she felt bad about breaking up with me, and how I was a really good guy. So I figured there was something still there. As I did before, I began to venture blindly into a world I was unaware of. I couldn’t foresee the results of my actions, but all I knew is how I felt. I nonchalantly said: “you know… we have really bad timing.” “Yea, we do” she said. I began to FREAK OUT. All I ever wanted was to be with this girl. I always loved her. Truly loved her. Devoted to her. And she seemed as though she was within my grasp! We continued to talk more and more seriously about our feelings. But I was still with my girlfriend. I had to make a big decision. Do I leave my girlfriend and go with my true love? Many fears flooded over me, and I was confused. I decided before I make brash decisions… we should meet.

I went to her house one night. As I walked to her door, my heart pounded. My palms were sweaty, and my mind racing. What should I say? What shall I do? What if I say something stupid? And there she stood, in all her magnificence. My heart stopped for a moment, just like before. I knew I was still in love. We just talked, and caught up. I told her all about what was new, and she told me. I connected with her unlike any human I have ever connected with. It was deeper, more profound, more… Amazing. I dropped her off, and I met up with my girlfriend. I knew my heart was somewhere else. I felt as though I was cheating. Although, we never touched more than a hug. The odd thing was who I felt I was cheating with… I felt as though I was cheating on Aimee. It was an odd experience.

Aimee and I met up a few more times, each time more wonderful than the next. Just talking each time. I remember the moment at which I knew Aimee and I would be together. We were walking around bass pro shop, just being together, as always. We sat down in some rocking chairs and we began to talk more deeply about things. I just remember her talking about what she wanted in a relationship, and as I looked at her, a feeling of peace came over me, and love filled me. I knew she was the one I was waiting for. I decided I had to break it off with my current girlfriend. I finally mustered up the courage, after all, I HATE hurting people, especially the ones I care about. It was difficult, but worth it.

Aimee and I immediately fell right back where we left off years ago. I went to her house to watch Up. We ended up not watching it. NO, not like that. We just talked. I will admit though, we did kiss. It felt like home. It felt like this is who I should have been kissing this whole time. It was the most loving kiss I had ever had. I had missed her for years and I finally was with the girl I longed to be with. We saw each other every night till she left. It was a sad day. My soul wrenched to see her leave again, but we promised to visit. We talked on the phone every night, that or skyped. She was always so beautiful. Time passed and I had an opportunity to go up to Utah and see her. I had in my mind how the trip would go, and it ended up being FAR more wonderful than I ever had expected.

I got off the plane and she was waiting for me. She was dressed in a beautiful dress. I picked her up, twirled her and kissed her. I was home again. We ended up going to a raspberry patch to pick raspberries and have a picnic. Now, BACKSTORY TIME!!!! I bought a promise ring years ago for another girl. And we eventually broke up, and she gave it back to me. That ring meant so much to me. It was my heart and my promise. I decided I would give it to the girl I was to marry. I never felt right about giving it to any of my exes, but with Aimee, I knew it was right. BACK TO THE STORY I brought that ring with me, and kept it in my pocket. I wasn’t sure if I was going to give it to her or wait for a while. But that night we had our picnic as the sun set, and she told me she loved me. I wanted to cry tears of joy. I almost did. And I knew I should give her the ring. I nervously pulled it out. I told her the story of the ring and what it meant to me. And she smiled the biggest smile I had ever seen. She understood. She understood me. And she gladly let me put it on. “I'm never going to take this off my finger.” She said smiling. What she didn’t know was how much I wanted to cry with happiness. I began to tear up a little with joy. This is how true love feels. I realized how I had never felt that way about a girl before. It was unique. Different. True love!!

The next day we went to the temple. It was the first time I have gone with a girlfriend. We couldn’t find an entrance, but we had fun wandering around! We made it to the desk. “How do you two spell your last name?” the volunteer unknowingly asked us. “Uuuhhhhhhh…” we both thought to ourselves. “We aren’t married!!” we said. Confusion ensued, but it was eventually dropped. We laughed. Everyone in the temple thought we were married. And I was ok with that. We rushed to get changed, and I sat in the chapel waiting for her. She finally walked in and as soon as I saw her, my heart jumped. This felt so right. We went through our session and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She was the one I wanted to marry. I knew it then for sure. I felt at home there with her. It was perfection.

We finished and later that evening people continually asked what we were celebrating. We gladly told them: “LIFE!” but little did she know, I was celebrating to myself that I had found my soul mate. The next day we went to my mission, and drove around. We met a few people and had dinner with the Wellers. And everywhere I took her I got a big thumbs up. Oh, and I failed to mention, she met my aunt, uncle and cousins, and they all loved her! The Wellers loved her too. We drove back to Provo. And for 5 hours we talked. I had never experienced that with another person. Just so easy to talk to. It was the best day of my life. I eventually came home and had to say goodbye. I dreaded that moment, but I knew we would be together soon. I reluctantly came home, missing her every day more and more.

Aimee recently cut off all her hair. And I want to be an honest man, so I will be. I had a really difficult time with it at first. I loved her hair, and she got rid of it. I was shallow about it, which I regret. She donated it to charity, and did it to show her love for a passed on friend who died from leukemia. But with persuasion from multiple sources it grew on me. And I came to realize that her beauty to me wasn’t just exterior, it was also interior. And that her as a whole was beautiful to me. I finally realized that her hair length didn’t matter, and that she was just as beautiful to me with long hair as with her short hair. Now I can’t help but to look at her picture and have my heart jump with joy every time.

And now we are caught up to the present day. Aimee and I have had ups, downs, breakups and breakdowns. And of course we have our love. She is the one person I want to be with. She is my future. She makes me a better person. She brings out the best in me. And although I know our life together may not be perfect, I know she is the one I want to experience it with. The good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly. I want to be the one she finds comfort in. I want to be the one she loves more than anything. I want to be the one she trusts with her everything. And I will do my best to accomplish that. She is the most kind, the most loving, the most patient, the most BEAUTIFUL and the most wonderful girl I have ever had the privilege of dating. She is my lover, my best friend, my sweetheart, my Eve, my…. Penguin. I love her.

I love you Aimee and always will no matter what.

A Two-Minute Poem

In my advanced writing class, I assigned my students to keep writer's notebooks so that at the end of the unit we could have a poetry reading. I realized that I should read a piece as well, but I hadn't written anything. So I timed myself for two minutes and didn't allow myself to erase, cross-out, edit, revise anything or stop writing until the two minutes was up. Although I am aching to revise some things, I kept it in its original form to prove to my students that sometimes you just need to write and tell your internal censor to shut up. Try it sometime.

So here is my poem.

Berry Picking/In the Briars

You offered me a spot of sunchine and I accepted
taking the soft, warm, sweetness between my lips.
The burst of surprise almost as tart and pleasing
as the pressure of your outstretched fingers as they
lingered on my lips.

The sun-setting shimmered through my lashes
and set off sparks in your eyes
when you smiled at me crouching between the briars.

I picked faster than you--my basket heavy with fruit--
while your harvest rolled around haphazardly
in the bottom of your bucket.
I spent time picking, but you were looking:
Looking at me.
Looking at me looking at you.
Looking.
Laughing.

Feeding me berries.
Feeding my soul

Yet more clarification....

David here.... Ok, first off, i would like to say, sorry for being so melodramatic. I like to embellish things when I write! Especially when it is late at night... which I wrote all my postings late. And be patient, I do realize my last post was semi depressing, but i promise there will be a happy ending!

And as for Aimee's mom, she is great! And she doesn't control Aimee's life. I will say though, that Aimee did in fact tell me her mom won't let her date! I'm standing by that story! But I do realize that Aimee was the true decider in that situation. Aimee's mom is actually really awesome! Her dad too. They raised such a wonderful young woman up correctly. I owe them a lot!

The Despair....

All great things must come to an end. And Aimee and I did. She talked to me in person, and even though we didn’t have our DTR (determine the relationship for our unknowing viewers) talk yet, I felt as though we were dating. She told me that I was a “premie” (again, pre missionary for those same viewers. Sorry for all my “hip” lingo) and that it couldn’t go any further. I was devastated. All I wanted to ever do was be with her. I just wanted to take care of her, help her. And she didn’t want me to be that man. I cried that night. I tried to “walk it off” in a sense (sorry again). I went on and I dated, but none compared to the majesty that was Aimee Blau. Aimee had said it could work later, but I felt as though she didn’t love me the way I loved her. I remember she had a particularly rough night. She was dealing with issues in her life, and I tried to get her to tell me. She wouldn’t tell me but a few minor details. She was crying and I wanted so bad to comfort her. She wouldn’t let me in! I knew then that she didn’t want me in her life at that moment. I tried to move on, but I kept comparing every girl I met to her. I even dated another girl, and imagined it was Aimee when we first kissed (not recommended….). I couldn’t seem to move on. I went to a play Aimee was in. She sang so sweetly. I brought her a dozen red roses. I had hoped she would take me back, even though I doubted it would happen. I gave her a hug when it was over, and she thanked me for the roses. She was so distracted and seemed to be uneasy about me being there. I reluctantly walked away. I tried one last ditch effort before my mission to reconnect. I called her while I was at a party. I walked into the other room. I called her and told her I had my papers in and where I was going. I asked her if we could meet up and catch up a little before I left. “I don’t think my boyfriend would like that very much,” she said awkwardly. My heart sank and I began to tear up. “Oh sorry! That’s fine! No worries.” I said, faking a joyous voice. I gave up at that moment.

I tried to move on and date around. I got caught up in some drama, and tried to have fun. In the back of my mind Aimee remained. I left on my mission, and every so often I would think of Aimee, wondered how she was doing. I nearly wrote her more than once; to the point where I began a letter. I always ended up throwing it away. I just wasn’t sure she wanted to talk to me. I asked a friend of mine what her address was. “Oh, she is getting married,” he said. “Oh its cool,” I tried to play off that I didn’t care too much. I truly did care. I felt like there was no hope left. She was married, and it wasn’t to me. I felt as though as long as she was happy, I would be happy for her. I let her go then. I kept working hard and finished my mission. My parents came to pick me up. We visited different parts of my mission, and had a fun time. However, on a layover in Salt Lake, the strangest thing happened.

I was at my gate waiting to board the flight, and she walked by. “Aimee??” I said loudly, trying to grab her attention. I knew it was her immediately. How could I forget? She turned around, “oh hey!” she exclaimed. I was still a set apart missionary, plus she was a married girl, (I saw the ring on her finger…. Of course I looked!), so I couldn’t hug her. I awkwardly shook her hand. “Aren’t you married?” I asked, knowing the answer already. “Oh ya!” she said. I was genuinely happy for her. I was happy as long as she was, as I thought, happy. I wanted so badly for me to be the man she loved, but we weren’t ready for each other just yet. I awkwardly said goodbye and went home.

I dated around a lot. Searching desperately for what I had already lost. I lost sight of how I felt about Aimee before. Mostly because I knew she was married, and as far as I knew happily married. I respected her and her husband. We eventually became friends on Facebook, and I would periodically go to her site and see how she was doing. We chatted once or twice, but nothing ever came of it. I began to date a girl for quite some time. We began to talk about marriage, but she wasn’t ready. I was content with life. Things were chugging along quite normally. Aimee would pop up in my mind once in a while, but I had given up hope on her for so long that nothing ever came of it. That is, until one day when she commented on a status of mine. Little did I know the roller coaster of life just reached the apex, and I was about to embark on the most thrilling, confusing and, ultimately, the most amazing experience of my life….

To be continued….

Clarification

I feel the need to explain my rationale behind "breaking up" with David in 8th grade. David says that I called him up and said: "my mom won't let me date you anymore." That is the lamest thing ever! If that's really how it went down, then I am so embarrassed. I imagine that it went more like this, but maybe I am giving myself too much credit:


"David, I have committed that I won't date before I am sixteen, so I can't date you. My mom thinks that talking on the phone all the time and wanting to go places is pretty much dating, so I guess I shouldn't do those things any more."


While my mom is really involved in my life, she isn't as controlling as sometimes she's made out to be. After all, she is David's biggest fan. AND it was my choice not to date before I was 16...and I didn't. 


I just wish David had called me when we were both 16. Silly boy.


Also, I believe the little clay thing was called a "cootie." I went on vacation to California and there was a street artist on the beach in Carlsbad or Oceanside selling these little clay figurines. The whole time I was on vacation my mom and I were looking for something to get David and when we saw these ugly/cute little things we thought they were perfect. 

Moments of Bliss...

I slowly stepped into the darkness. Fear of rejection and doubts of my decision encompassed me. Yet, I was comforted. My path was set. My direction sure. And I carefully planned every detail of our night together. Now that I was single, the encounter could be more. This is the girl I had fallen for so quickly. My stomach was in knots, I lost my appetite, I couldn’t sleep, and I couldn’t have been more excited! I wasn’t sure how the evening would carry out. After all, I never asked Aimee on an official date, I had only planned for us to just “catch up”. I nervously checked my watch, carefully waiting for the moment I can see her beautiful face. I was ready about an hour early… and I checked my breath at least every 5 minutes. I drove to her house to pick her up, daydreaming of the imminent evening. I pulled up, got out, and my heart raced as I knocked in the door. The door opened and there she stood, in a white shirt, jeans, Converse shoes, and a bow in her hair. My heart then proceeded to stop. I am alive today, so I assume it began to beat again, I’m not sure how long it was stopped, however. She smiled, gave me a hug, and off we went. I had asked her if she liked sushi, and she told me she did. I decided to take her to Ra on Mill Ave. We talked the entire way to the restaurant. Not one moment do I remember the conversation turning awkward. Nor do I remember running out of things to talk about. I was at home. Never had I ever felt more comfortable with another person. Just pure bliss at every moment.

We pulled up to the restaurant, parked the car, and got out as normal procedure. I specifically remember I had a gum wrapper in my hand. I went to toss it in the garbage and missed. “Are you going to pick that up!?” she asked intently. I felt like such a litter bug at that moment. “I believe in making the world cleaner for our children,” she said. I remember from that moment on, I was very conscious of making sure I threw things away. It was a small thing to her, but it made a huge impact on me. To this day I still make sure whatever I throw in the garbage makes it in! We sat down and had a wonderful dinner. We talked, laughed, and just enjoyed each other’s company. I couldn’t dream of it going better. We walked down Mill ave. after dinner and made our way to Tempe Town Lake. We sat on the edge of the lake, still talking. I wanted so badly to hold her. I finally mustered up the courage and put my arm around her. She began to smile from ear to ear. “Is this ok?” I asked hoping I wasn’t making her uncomfortable. “Yeah,” She said smiling. It was the first time I had really made physical contact with her besides dancing that night so long before. I couldn’t believe the girl I had longed for was reciprocating my feelings. The night carried on, we held hands while we walked. And the evening went better than I could ever have imagined. I took her home, and walked her to the door. I went in for a kiss but I was rejected! (It was the first and only time that has happened to me, so it was awkward to say the least.) She kindly turned her head away as I leaned in. “you just broke up with your girlfriend!” she exclaimed. It was true; I just had the day before… So yes it was quick. But I knew how I felt about her; despite the fact she wasn’t sure about me. (Or so I believe!) The night ended, I drove home, and daydreamed the entire way home.

Aimee and I kept in touch, and the chronology of what happened when escapes me, but I will try my best to remember all the details. We slowly started dating. I remember when our relationship was young I went to her house in my dads truck to watch a movie. As I pulled up in a big truck, I saw a car was outside and Aimee was talking to someone. He drove away and Aimee proceeded to tell me it was a friend of hers that was obsessed with her. I felt so lucky. I was a MAN! I was there with the most beautiful girl I had ever met. I won. (In a sense…) we watched King Kong, and she fell asleep. I didn’t watch much of the movie, I was too busy looking at her; I couldn’t get my eyes off her! (I realize this may sound creepy, but oh well…. It was the truth.) She woke up at the end, and apologized. I really didn’t care; I loved every minute of it. We had our first kiss in Las Sendas. I love cityscapes, so we went up there to look over the city (cheesy I know…). It was beautiful. It wasn’t nearly as beautiful as her. I wanted to kiss her so bad, but I was afraid of getting rejected again. I nervously asked, “ I know this guy who likes this girl, and he really wants to kiss her… what should he do?” I tried being subtly obvious. I hoped she would give me a simple yes or no answer. But no, this is Aimee we are talking about, so she ended up playing the game right back. “I don’t know… what if this girl doesn’t like the guy back?” she connivingly said back. We went back and forth for a while, and we both knew what was going on, but we just played the game. I finally got tired of it and moved in! It was the best kiss I ever had. It was so full of love, so incredible. I will never forget that night in Las Sendas. The last date we ever had we went and got Ben and Jerry’s ice cream and sat behind Shepherd Jr. High. We ate our ice cream and talked for some time. It was drizzly outside and a little cold. We kissed some more that night, and I loved every minute. I never wanted to loose her. I tried so hard to never let her go. She was the only person I ever felt this way about. I knew that night I wanted to marry her. It was a bit crazy, but I knew how I felt. It was unique and special! I never wanted to loose her.

To be continued….

The Dance

Aimee here. Now it’s my turn to tell the other side of the story. At the outset of my post, I will ask that readers are forgiving. My memory is more clouded than David’s so there may be moments of where I exercise dramatic license. Also, there is no need to point out that my posts are far inferior to David’s. What’s amusing is that while I am far less eloquent than my counterpart, I am a writing teacher! All things aside, I will do my best.

I was so excited for the salsa contest.  I was in Mrs. Clemens conversational Spanish class at the time, so I had planned the entire event. I had brought a big bowl of the famous Blau Salsa (which won first prize, of course) and my best friends Nikki Pettinato and Alyssa Hinkle and I were having a great time listening to music, giggling, and eating chips. I probably noticed David the moment he walked in, although I am not even sure why he was there since it was a Spanish Club activity. Anyway, I remember thinking that he was pretty cute so I did what I normally did when I thought a boy was cute: be loud and obnoxious to try and attract his attention. This kind of behavior may seem silly; however, it is a proven mating technique in the animal kingdom, so don’t judge.

I just know how I get when I am surrounded by my girlfriends. I am sure we were dancing and talking loud and telling jokes and being silly. I think I was secretly hoping that he would notice me and come up to me, but I didn’t want to keep waiting for him to get his act together.  I fabricated what I thought was a clever reason to approach him and told him that everyone at the contest had a Spanish name and that he needed one too. I christened him Pedro and tried to chat with him a little. I realize now that he was just nervous around girls, but I just figured he didn’t like me that much. So I rejoined my girlfriends and tried to smile at him when I managed to catch his eye. My friends teased me about this new crush, but I just shrugged and laughed. Alyssa threatened to tell him about my feelings, but instead of begging her to keep it a secret I said, “Go ahead!”

Later that afternoon in choir, Alyssa bounded up to me. She spilled her news, and together the three of us wrote what we thought was the best note ever. Nikki showed me how to fold it in a cute way and Alyssa promised that she’d deliver it.

When I got a reply we all crowded around the note trying to read it at the same time. But it was slow going. David’s hand writing is AWFUL. It was like decoding ancient cuneiform. I guess we eventually figured it out because I wrote another note, and another, and another. For years I kept David’s notes tucked away in a purple-papered notebook…just to look at every few years and remember the sweet memories of awkward crushes.

I am not 100% sure, but I think David may have asked me to the dance in a note…I just can’t imagine him having the guts to ask me in person, and I know that I would have asked my mom for permission first. Getting my mom to let me go to the dance may have been the most difficult period of our relationship. I wanted to go so badly, but I was still two years from being proper dating age.  My most persuasive argument was that if I was allowed to go to the LDS Stake dances at 14 it is only logical that I could go to a school dance too. My parents talked it over and decided that I could go as long as I followed a few rules: that our parents dropped us off and picked us up at the school so that we didn’t arrive “together,” no dinner or activities before or after the dance, no flowers or boutonniere, and I had to promise to dance at least one dance with another guy. I was thrilled that they were being so flexible so I enthusiastically consented to the terms of the contract.

I remember going shopping for my dress the day of the dance. My parents decided to let me go only days before the event itself, so I hadn’t had time to go shopping at all. My mom and I went to store after store looking for anything somewhat modest. No luck. My mom didn’t want me wearing anything too formal and sparkly because she didn’t think the 9^th grade dance was supposed to be like a prom. I just wanted to find something that I thought David might like. I found a lacy sleeveless dress that hugged the non-existent curves of my boyish eighth-grade fame and I thought it was so pretty and grownup. But the problem of covering my shoulders remained. My mom found a nice black cardigan, but she made me swear on pain of death that I would wear it the whole time. I reluctantly agreed.

My parents dropped me off at the school behind the gymnasium and I saw David waiting there for me. He had a corsage in his hand. This was the very first time a boy had ever given me flowers. I can’t recall, but I am sure there was some gawky posing for pictures at some point before we were finally allowed to go into the gym.

We walked around for a bit, watching the already dancing couples, looking at the food, searching for people we knew. I don’t think I ate anything—my stomach was in knots and I was terrified that I’d spill on myself or get something stuck in my teeth. At length David asked me to dance.

But then there was the problem of hand placement. I had been instructed by my careful mother to only dance in the “waltz position” with hands on waist and bicep and clasped at shoulder height. For only the loose girls danced with their arms about a boys’ neck.  But it seemed that everyone on the dance floor was dancing with her arms around her date’s neck and his hands precariously close to her hips. I didn’t want David to think that I didn’t like him. I didn’t want to be a loose woman. I took a deep breath and laced my fingers behind his neck.

So I may have broken some of the rules: I danced a little too close just to smell his cologne. I danced with him all night because I didn’t want to leave his side. I wore his corsage so everyone there would know that I was his date. But I didn’t take off my jacket…so I think my mom will understand.