I Tend to Daydream...

And my daydreams come often, and vividly. Lately, all I can think about is Aimee. Of course for a while that's all I could think about. It literally took her getting married before I finally stopped thinking about her. Along with dreaming of the future, I have reflected on the past a lot lately. I was telling my friend about how I basically broke up with more than one girl for Aimee. And I realize that may put me in a position to where I seem like a flakey boyfriend. That I get bored and move on quickly. But that is far from how I see it. To me, It shows how much I truly love her. It may seem rather counter intuitive, I'll give you that! But let me expound some, and perhaps it will become clearer.

I have had a fair share of long lasting relationships. One of which lasted 2 years. I didn't end this relationship. I was fully committed. I am however very glad things have turned out how they have, otherwise, I dont know where Aimee and I would be right now. But, I never once looked at another girl and thought of dating them. My commitment was to the girl I was dating and her alone. Every other relationship I have been in, I have never ended to be with another. All except the two where Aimee was involved. Whenever Aimee has come up in my life, I realize that there is a girl out there that I would give anything to be with. The first time I had broken up with a girl for Aimee, there was a lot going on in my life and a lot of big decision making. But Aimee just has something about her that inspires me. She moves me. And I realize that I doubt I will ever find it anywhere else. So I do whatever I can to be with her. Every. Time. She has something about her I could never get enough of. And I think all these years I have known that she was the one for me. The love I have for this girl I feel I can never place in words. She inspires me, she comforts me, she brings me the greatest joy, and I cant get enough of her.

I might also add that each time I dropped everything for Aimee, I didn't know how things would turn out with Aimee. The first time I wasn't even sure if she liked me. But I knew each time that the way I feel for her is how I needed to truly love. And I saw how thats not what I had. I pursued Aimee each time, but I had no idea how it would turn out. I don't know if thats faith or just plain crazy! Either way, I know the love I have for Aimee is the type of love every husband should have for their wife. And even after 10 years of a lot of crazy things happening and life and marriages and divorces, I still feel the same for her. Even when she didn't feel the same for me. I know that if it hasn't changed by now, it never will. She is all I have ever prayed for.

Now I am unsure if this makes any sense, but I just want to clarify any thoughts anyone has about why I broke up with other girls for Aimee. Its because she has that spark. That special something people spend their entire lives looking for in another. I just pray that she will always feel the same for me.

I daydream all too often, and I just can't get Aimee and my wedding out of my head. I seriously can't wait. Aimee doesn't like to think about it too much, but I think I make up for it! Right now is tough, but I do realize our dreams will come true. And she will be loved every day as she has deserved to be loved all along. She is my Eve, my penguin, my friend and my love. I love her so.

Being There

I really don't like to compare David with other guys I have dated...it just isn't fair to them. But sometimes things happen where it makes me remember how other men in my life have reacted to similar situations and how David just outshines them all. David is definitely the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Allow me to explain:

Today there was a weird family emergency. Everyone is okay, but shaken up. My mom couldn't be alone, but my dad was away on a business trip. I thought to myself, "Self, I wonder if David would go over and stay with her." But then I thought,  "No, self. That is probably weird. David and I aren't even engaged (yet) I shouldn't treat him like a husband or anything. I shouldn't expect him to bail out my family in times of crisis."

A few minutes later I was telling David what happened. Immediately concerned, he asked, "Who's with your mom? Do you want me to go over and take care of her?" My heart was filled with love for him. He is such a caring and kind person. I know he would do anything for me or my family. And that is just so different from what I'm used to.

Here is a similar example. Now again, I don't mean to compare, but it just makes me realize how grateful I am for David.

Okay. Picture this: Aimee, Dad, and Mom go to Europe. Dad and Mom get severely ill and need to get back to the states. Dad needs medical attention immediately, so he needs to stay in a hospital in Philadelphia for a few days while mom sees her super amazing doctor in Phoenix. At this time, I am unofficially engaged to a boyfriend. He had no job at the time and no commitments. So I begged him to go to Philadelphia and watch my dad while I took care of my mom.

He said no. He told me that I was expecting too much of a boyfriend. He said that he wasn't my fiancee or my husband yet. Why should he have to take care of my family's issues? This situation ultimately led to our breakup. I never forgot how abandoned and let down I felt.

Okay, flashback over. David could easily have ignored the situation today. I mean we aren't legally bound to each other yet. But he wants to be there for us. For me. And so he went over to keep my mom company for a few hours until my Dad's flight got in.

I don't think David knows how much that small act of kindness and commitment means to me. It shows me that I can count on him. That he won't turn away when things are emotional or difficult.

I have always wanted to be in a relationship with a man who would be my rock when I needed some support. And I am so glad that I finally found one after all this time.

Even though we are far away from each other right now, it amazes me how David manages to be there for me.

I love him so much!

Prayers

Last night, I had an interesting experience. Aimee finds out today if she gets her dream job! We are both on edge and excited but nervous.... We have our fingers crossed! We understand that if it doesn't happen, that it is the Lords will. He is watching over us, and will do what is best! One thing that I loved was Aimee said something that melted my heart. She said "we need this." Now, I will say I have come close to marriage before, yet, I never felt a sense of 'us' in the relationship. A sense that the actions of one effect the other. I mean, obviously if one cheated on the other, it would! However, I mean more along the lines of fiscally, and planning, and things like that. I have never felt that a relationship with another was really a unit of one. I never realized this had occurred. Sometimes you don't realize things till you have the contrast. I thought I was connected before, yet with Aimee, I have a strong sense of connection I have never felt before. And she makes me feel that way. And it blows me away.

I came to this full realization last night while praying. I was saying my prayers as usual, and I was putting thought into it... but I was kinda just saying what I usually say, then this came out: "Please bless that Aimee and I will get the rest we need..." I was like woa! I suddenly realized that I had always prayed for someone ELSE. But I had never prayed for US. Even with my family. This is difficult for me to explain! Sorry! Normally, I would say: "Bless Aimee that she will get her rest" or "Bless Aimee that she will do well in school" or "Bless Aimee..." But I have never prayed for another person as a function of US. Bless US that WE will do well in school.... Bless US that WE will get our rest... I guess I have done that for groups of people, but never quite like this. It amazed me. I realized that I view Aimee and I as one unit. As US. And it made me so happy.

I know that what happens with Aimee and I is meant to be. The Lord is watching over us. And I know Aimee and I ARE one unit. We have a connection that I have been longing for my entire life. I louvre her so!

And let me end with this funny pick up line I should have used on Aimee: "Are you from Africa? Cuz' African love you!"

hehe :)

A Tough Day

Being away from your penguin is tough. Invariably there will be terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days.


But.


There is something good that comes out of those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. They bring you closer together.


Some days, David strengthens me. Other days I bolster him up. And on days like today, we both run on empty and our raw selves start to show.


Even those "I got nothin'" days, I am filled with the assurance that we are right for one another. David is never freaked out when I start to cry over a conflict with a roommate. He doesn't bolt when I tell him I just can't figure out what's wrong. He doesn't judge me when I am in a funk. He listens, tries to understand, tells me it's okay to cry, and best of all, says "I love you."


I have come to believe that a celestial marriage isn't about having great days every day...it's more about how you deal with the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. If you rely on one another and trust one another, then it will really be a good day in disguise; you will realize that you love all of one another...even the emotional, irrational, unstable parts.


I do trust David. I trust that when I call him in tears that he will pick up and tell me that it's okay to cry.


I hope he knows that I will do the same and than I will cry with him.


I will say though, I look forward to the times when we can hold each other on those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. Sometimes a "phone hug" just doesn't quite cut it.


I am reminded of this scripture:


1 Thessalonians Chapter 5:
11 Wherefore ^acomfort yourselves together, and ^bedify one another, even as also ye do.


Comfort here means "exhort, console, or encourage. David is such a comfort to me. He is constantly consoling my tender heart and encouraging me to achieve my goals. When I am around him I feel like I can do anything. I hope that I am the same kind of support to him.


I am so grateful that David and I have a real love. "Real" means understanding the state of things as they actually exist, rather than as they may appear or may be thought to be. Real love understands that people are imperfect, fallible. However, real love is loving a person not in SPITE of those flaws, but BECAUSE of them.


It's real, babe.

The list

So today was another difficult day. Another “wake up on the wrong side of the bed” day. Yet, This afternoon the love of my life called me. She knew I was having a bad day, and she was concerned. She cheered me up. I began to think about all the ways I love her. I, being an industrial engineering major, tend to analyze and ask “why” in my own mind quite a bit. I began to think about why I love Aimee. And what it was about her that I loved. I brainstormed and I couldn’t seem to stop. As cheesy as it sounds, there are just too many reasons. I made just a small list of just a few of the things I love about the woman of my dreams.

She is GORGEOUS. She really is. Now, I know looks aren’t everything, but I lucked out. I really do look at her and think she is a model. And for some reason she loves me back…. Weird…

She is kind. I know this is an over used, very generalized term! But it when you delve into what the word means, it encompasses quite a bit. Her phone call today was a fine example. She is just so passionate about all people. She wants the best for anyone she meets, even if she doesn’t like or agree with them!

Her duckface. I don’t know why, I just love it.

The cute noises she makes. Again, I don’t know why, but I love it! And she has different noises of specific things. I think I got most of them down ;)

She dances. I have always loved dancers, and she is one! I think perhaps its because it’s something I don’t consider myself good at, but I want to learn. And she can teach me!

She sings. There isn’t much more attractive than a girl singing passionately and beautifully. And she does both so well.

She is so SMART. Holy cow. I love to learn, and she really is the smartest girl I have ever dated. She just knows so much! And I love to learn what she has to teach me.

She is extremely dedicated. I trust her with everything. I know with my whole heart that she would never do anything to hurt me. And that means so much to me. So much that I lack the words to describe it. I have never trusted a person so much in my life. Save maybe my family.

She is passionate. She doesn’t just have a loose opinion about something, she lives and believes it! And she doesn’t just love, she loves with every piece of her!

She is so strong. I know what she has been through. And for someone to come out of a situation like that a stronger person just boggles my mind. I know that no matter what happens in out life, she can help carry me through as I help her.

She is FUNNY! We so have the same humor. (Most of the time hehe) I just read what she says on facebook and I laugh. Like every time. I love how witty she is. I don’t know how she does it.

We have the same taste in music, movies, etc. I hate country music. I dunno why, I just do. And previous relationships I have been in, it literally was something I struggled with! But alas, I know I will never have to cringe through another country song! At least not at the house J and no. The kids will not be allowed to like country music. (Just kidding. But seriously) and we love the same movies too! Like dumb and dumber!!

She quotes stuff with me. Nuff said.

She is crafty! And she cooks! I love how she makes so much neat stuff! I can’t wait to eat her food. And ill cook for her. But I can’t wait to enjoy her food! Mmmmmmmmm. And I will love all her amazing decorations.

We are on the same page. Alllllll the time.

She is independent! I know that she relies on me. But I am also comforted in knowing she can handle herself if needed.

She loves me. I love that she loves me. I don’t deserve her. She is far too amazing. But I still know she loves me. And it makes me want to cry at times to think how amazing she is, and how she feels the same for me as I do for her. I find it hard to believe.

I could go on and on. She is amazing. I would do anything for her. Being away is difficult. However, I do know we will be together. And there will come a day soon that I will be able to come home to her, protect her, provide for her, take care of her, love her, kiss her, hug her, and share everything most precious to me any time I want. She is my penguin. I love her.