Meant to Be

When I last visited Arizona, David and I shared our patriarchal blessings with one another. It was a very special experience to get a glimpse into the future that Heavenly Father has in store for each of us. In each of our blessings, there are great things that we are supposed to accomplish, and I think I speak for both of us when I say that I am excited to achieve those things together.


I hold my patriarchal blessing very close to my heart, and I also value my father's blessings as well. I have all of the blessings he has given me over the years transcribed in a three ring binder. I read through them once in a while. Just recently, I began leafing through the pages and a letter in the back caught my eye.


It was a letter dated  June 23, 2007.  It was written by my mother, a goodbye written for me when I moved out and went to BYU. It is a "Mother's Blessing" of sorts; it is her advice and her hopes for me as a started a new phase of my life. In this letter she mentions a trial that I had just gone through--my engagement and subsequent breakup with that fiancee. (Yes, I've been engaged twice so far. Third times a charm, right?) One of the main reasons that Fiancee #1 and I didn't work out was that he put me in a position that forced me to choose between him and my family. And I chose my family.


This is what she wrote:

“I also want to thank you for choosing me and the rest of the family a few months ago…and I hope that we will always live up to that choice and that you will never wish you had chosen a different path. After learning the whole situation, my heart is so touched—that must have been the hardest decision you have ever had to make. I know that if I had the same dilemma, I would pick you in a heartbeat and never look back. Family is the most important entity in the universe and one day a young man will come along and he will meld right in with the rest of us and it will be like he had always been there!"

I hadn't read this in years. Probably not since 2007. The last part struck me to the core: "One day a young man will come along and he will meld right in with the rest of us and it will be like he had always been there!"

Oh that I had read that before I got married the first time! In my marriage, I once again found myself forced to choose between my husband and my family. He didn't value my relationship with my family: he didn't care for my parent's advice, he envied my closeness with my mother, on and on. When I read this a few nights ago, I realized that Rodney wasn't the one my mother had been talking about--the one she knew would come along.

David is.

Just today, David texted me that he loved my relationship with my parents. Just today, David took a piece of advice that my mom gave him about his finances and student loans. Just today, David and I were envisioning playing games with my family and participating in the Blau Christmas traditions.

David fits right in. 

He gets how important my family is to me because his family is just as important to him. We both understand the crucial role of the family in God's plan. And while we both know that husband and wife must cleave to one another and create their own family unit, David would never make me choose between my family or him.

When I read my patriarchal blessing and my father's blessings and my mother's blessing, it just become so clear that David and I are meant to be

And So It Continues...

It seems at this point inevitable. I will marry the woman of my dreams. In due time, I will be able to take her hand, lead her to the temple, and be sealed to her for this life and the next. I have never wanted anything more in my life. I must be patient, seeing as how many things need to happen. I will gladly wait. I have waited 10 years, I'll wait whatever it takes. Never before have I been so sure about how I feel about another person. She is the literal translation of all that I ever hoped for, prayed for, even dreamed of. She loves my family, she dances, she sings, she loves to cook, and clean, she's smart, she's organized, she is outgoing, playful, happy, she needs me, she trusts me, we ca talk about anything and everything, we like the same music, the same movies, have the same humor.... You get the point. (I realize that was poor grammar, but Aimee will forgive me ;) ) Words cannot give justice to how I feel for her. Plain and simple.

So this past weekend she came down. 'Twas a dream come true. I had planned exactly how i wanted the weekend to go, but you never know how things will turn out. It turned out to be better than planned. I got to the airport with flowers. (I got complimented 4 times for bringing flower by 3 old men... and one little old lady... I guess I did something right...) I stood there waiting for her to come up the ramp. I saw her and joy filled my soul. We hugged and kissed, and I didn't want to let go. As we walked to the car, I couldn't keep my eyes off her. That doesn't work well while trying to navigate the maze of confusion that is Sky Harbor. I drove her home, and again... I couldn't stop looking at her! I just adored her every look. (As I always do...) We spent time with her parents. I just sat back and watched the dynamics. I saw the love they had for each other, and I was amazed. I hope I can get to that point with them, someday.... They shared touching moments, and I was happy to witness the joy and love displayed. Aimee and I eventually left. We went to fountain hills to look over the cityscape. I won't beat around the bush... we did kiss! Every kiss with her is incredible, and it will never ever get old. But more than that we talked. When we are alone together, I get this feeling that we are one! Just talking with her is bliss.

The next day I worked, and she did "other" things. Of which when I found out what they were, I was extremely pleasantly surprised! I'll let Aimee share, if she feels so inclined. I couldn't wait to see her. She was (and is) all I thought about all day! I had a comfort knowing she was here. Eventually, I went and got her. We went to my friends and enjoyed some geocaching and Tim Tam SLAMS! We also watched some avatar. I just felt at home with her.

Saturday was incredible. We first went to the mall to get Ryan (my brother) a birthday present. What amazes me most about Aimee is even when we are doing something I would normally consider somewhat boring, I have the most fun I have ever had. That's how every moment is with her! Just more reasons why I want to marry her... As I was saying, she went to try on a "dress" and we eventually went to the cabin. We met with my parents for a bit, just chit chatting. We showed Aimee around and enjoyed each others company. They left eventually, so Aimee and I went for a hike. It was the BEST hike I have ever been on! Par for the course... of course! (hehe) we went into town, walked around a little. We went back to the cabin and made dinner. Best dinner I had ever had. We cooked it together (a glimpse into the future, I believe...) It was so fun. We ate, and while cleaning up the faucet exploded. Water went EVERYWHERE. Instead of getting flustered, we just laughed. Again... a glimpse into the future... We watched "Too Wong Fo, Thanks for Everything." I knew she would love it. And she did! It felt good to know I know my babe! We drove home and shared more. We showed music to each other. Sang. It was, YUP! You guessed it! AMAZING!

Sunday I went to her house. I had brunch there with her sister and her dad. It was fun to joke with them. I felt at home. I can't wait to call them my family. We went to my church so I could show her off. OH! and also to be spiritually uplifted. That too. We went to visit my grandma. Aimee just fits right in. My grandma loved her. Aimee just sat there soaking in all that was going on, and I could tell she was enjoying it. Eventually the party for Ryan started. The chaos ensued. And Aimee hopped right in! We sat at the table, and Aimee just joined the conversation as if she already was family. It filled me. I couldn't get my eyes off her. The night ended and I took her home.

That night she had a conversation with her parents. I know her parents are scared. They don't want a repeat. I don't blame them. What Aimee went through was a certain choice level of hell. Her parents were hurt just as well. And I KNOW they don't want Aimee hurt, much less themselves. I know that as far as I am concerned, I will treat Aimee as an angel. I will never loose sight of that. I have been reading Ephesians ch. 5 lately. It really has helped me see that the way I view love aligns with what the lord planned. Husbands are to love their wives as much as Christ loves his church. And we are part of his church. Husbands are to love their wives as much as Christ. Christ had a love so perfect that he DIED for his church. For us. Husbands are to love their wives so much that they are to be willing to go through the same amount of pain as Christ, and even die, all for their wives. That really struck me. And I know that is how I feel for Aimee. I would do ANYTHING in this world or the next to ensure her happiness. I would die for her. I just hope that in time her parents will see that. I know that what happened had very little to do with me, but I still hope her parents understand that.

This post HAS to be the cheesiest yet. But I like cheese. And, I am being honest. Aimee is the woman I have been praying for for my entire life. Everything in my life has lead me to her. Every step I take from here on out will be taken with her in mind. She is my future! I love her.

24 hours and counting...

I'm not one to typically announce my overly obnoxious excitement of an event in my life... usually... But in this case, I am pretty darn EXCITED. The love of my life is coming home for a weekend. I have played what will happen over and over and over in my head. Now we are just T-24 hrs away! (OK now its more like 23.... but who's counting? Oh ya... I AM.) I cannot wait to hold her in my arms, to give her a big kiss, and show her how much I truly love her.

I love you my penguin!

('')><('')"

I Feel the Urge to Post...

So I will! I just want to express some things I have been feeling recently. First and foremost is how much I LOVE Aimee. She is all I have ever wanted in a girl. A while back, I created a mental list of things I want in my future wife. Things included: Kind and loving, outgoing, funny, helpful, likes to meet new people, can sing and dance, likes the same music as me… the list goes on. And I devised a few simple tests! I told myself I wouldn’t marry a girl that couldn’t pass the tests. They were, as follows; 1: I must find her beautiful! 2: she has to hold my dads glass eye. And finally, 3: we have to sing at the top of our lungs in the car. To me, these tests were the perfect trifecta. First, ill be attracted to her. Although looks aren’t everything, it is important in a relationship. Second, if she holds my dads eye, it will tell me a few things. It will tell me she is comfortable with my family, and that although she may not enjoy it, she is willing to get her hands dirty (ewwwww). Finally, when we sing at the top of our lungs in the car, it means she is confident, fun, comfortable with me, and that she will be the one I want to marry! Aimee passed every test. In one day. I was in awe! I finally found her. The girl I had prayed for for all these years! There she was, standing right in front of me.

This also helps me reflect on another neat connection I have had with Aimee. I remember one night, I had been struggling with relationships and generally frustrated with my inability to find the girl of my dreams, and I basically started loosing hope she existed. I felt an impression. My future wife was out there, somewhere. And it got even deeper. I felt like I should pray for her because she was in need. SHE felt alone in that moment. So I prayed. I felt so much peace and comfort that night. And I felt like she knew I was there for her, even though she may not fully understand. Aimee told me of a night where she felt alone, but she felt comforted. And I knew that was the same night I prayed. Cheesy as this may sound, I know that is what happened! Every time I reflect on that night, and look at where we are at, I just begin to be in awe of it all! It all makes sense now.

I have been struggling from being away from Aimee recently. Every day that passes, I become more and more sure she is all I ever wanted. And it is difficult being away from the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I think it is also especially difficult because we aren’t sealed, it scares me. But I believe the lord wants this for the both of us, so I know everything will be ok. It’s just hard. And sometimes because of my struggling, Aimee catches on, and I make her feel bad. I’m far too transparent with her! Which I think is a good thing! I just miss her so much. I want her all to myself (selfish I know… hehe). I just feel like this is so right, and I have been waiting so long for this, and its like “oh you have to wait longer!! Isn’t that great??” and I’m like “NO.” (I don’t know whom I was talking to there…. The universe maybe?) But everything will be ok. I just know it.

That last paragraph was a little downer, but ill make up for it in here… kinda. Hehe! I want to marry her, as we know, and I want to be with her always. I want to propose to her as soon as possible. But there are many contributing factors that complicate things. Her parents for one… I look up to them like you wouldn’t believe. I really genuinely like them a lot! They are nice, fun, funny, laid back, I look to them as I would my own parents. And they are worried. I know they like me a little (haha) but I want them to trust me with Aimee. I want them to know I would never hurt Aimee. And if I do, that I will do everything in my power to make it up to her. I want them to know I will never abandon Aimee, and that this love I have for her will never fade. It has remained the same through 10 years without even being with her. I know it would last for the rest of our lives and beyond! (to infinity… and beyond!) I just hope that they will see that, believe me, and trust me with their daughter. I want their approval! And I will work my hardest to get that, and maintain that forever.

Alas, church is soon. But I just felt like I need to express these things. Aimee already knows these, so I guess this is just going on the internets for myself. A sort of journal if you will! I love that girl more than I ever even thought possible. I firmly believe we can get through anything. Aimee, I love you.

(P.s. sorry for the grammatical errors, and somewhat discombobulated thought patterns.)