The Return…

Love is, as I believe, the most complex of human emotions. It can lead one to stop eating, stop sleeping; it can cause someone to do something they never have done before. Love can make a person the happiest person alive, and it can drown them in the depths of sorrow. Love is in everything and everyone, sometimes it’s hard to define. For me, love is…. Just love. A complete devotion to a single human being in the moment you are with them. True love is complete devotion to a person indefinitely. I thought I was in love. We pick up our story where I left off; I was in a relationship where I was content. After all, the one woman I had truly loved had slipped through my fingers and gotten married. So I was only having second choices, although I hadn’t been fully conscious of it. I was dating a nice girl. Yet, something was missing. Doubts often would creep into my mind, but I would put them off. The best way to put it was contempt. I was ok, fine, all right; however you want to put it. But, I didn’t have what I wanted.

I posted something on the bookface. It’s a wonderful social media debacle that allows ratings of ones soul in a public setting. And she commented. At first glance I smiled because I always loved hearing from her, but something was different. Her last name was back to her maiden name. ”Waiiiiittttt a minute…” I hopefully thought to myself. “Is she still married?” I had often wondered what my life would be like if she got a divorce, but I never thought it would happen. After all, she WAS happily married right? I went to her page, and looked at her pictures. Every last one of her and her ex were gone. “NO WAY!” I now yelled to myself. I was still unsure, so I wrote her a message. “So…. I don’t want to pry into your life, but are you still married?” I typed to her. She eventually replied: “No, I’m not.” I began to pace my room. A flood of emotions overwhelmed me. I was happy. I had another chance perhaps. But I was still content with my girlfriend…. What to do??? We kept talking. We slowly began to compliment each other. Saying how the person she marries will be a lucky guy. She said something back along those lines (except with a girl of course…). I began to feel at that moment how I felt for her years ago. She had mentioned to me before how she felt bad about breaking up with me, and how I was a really good guy. So I figured there was something still there. As I did before, I began to venture blindly into a world I was unaware of. I couldn’t foresee the results of my actions, but all I knew is how I felt. I nonchalantly said: “you know… we have really bad timing.” “Yea, we do” she said. I began to FREAK OUT. All I ever wanted was to be with this girl. I always loved her. Truly loved her. Devoted to her. And she seemed as though she was within my grasp! We continued to talk more and more seriously about our feelings. But I was still with my girlfriend. I had to make a big decision. Do I leave my girlfriend and go with my true love? Many fears flooded over me, and I was confused. I decided before I make brash decisions… we should meet.

I went to her house one night. As I walked to her door, my heart pounded. My palms were sweaty, and my mind racing. What should I say? What shall I do? What if I say something stupid? And there she stood, in all her magnificence. My heart stopped for a moment, just like before. I knew I was still in love. We just talked, and caught up. I told her all about what was new, and she told me. I connected with her unlike any human I have ever connected with. It was deeper, more profound, more… Amazing. I dropped her off, and I met up with my girlfriend. I knew my heart was somewhere else. I felt as though I was cheating. Although, we never touched more than a hug. The odd thing was who I felt I was cheating with… I felt as though I was cheating on Aimee. It was an odd experience.

Aimee and I met up a few more times, each time more wonderful than the next. Just talking each time. I remember the moment at which I knew Aimee and I would be together. We were walking around bass pro shop, just being together, as always. We sat down in some rocking chairs and we began to talk more deeply about things. I just remember her talking about what she wanted in a relationship, and as I looked at her, a feeling of peace came over me, and love filled me. I knew she was the one I was waiting for. I decided I had to break it off with my current girlfriend. I finally mustered up the courage, after all, I HATE hurting people, especially the ones I care about. It was difficult, but worth it.

Aimee and I immediately fell right back where we left off years ago. I went to her house to watch Up. We ended up not watching it. NO, not like that. We just talked. I will admit though, we did kiss. It felt like home. It felt like this is who I should have been kissing this whole time. It was the most loving kiss I had ever had. I had missed her for years and I finally was with the girl I longed to be with. We saw each other every night till she left. It was a sad day. My soul wrenched to see her leave again, but we promised to visit. We talked on the phone every night, that or skyped. She was always so beautiful. Time passed and I had an opportunity to go up to Utah and see her. I had in my mind how the trip would go, and it ended up being FAR more wonderful than I ever had expected.

I got off the plane and she was waiting for me. She was dressed in a beautiful dress. I picked her up, twirled her and kissed her. I was home again. We ended up going to a raspberry patch to pick raspberries and have a picnic. Now, BACKSTORY TIME!!!! I bought a promise ring years ago for another girl. And we eventually broke up, and she gave it back to me. That ring meant so much to me. It was my heart and my promise. I decided I would give it to the girl I was to marry. I never felt right about giving it to any of my exes, but with Aimee, I knew it was right. BACK TO THE STORY I brought that ring with me, and kept it in my pocket. I wasn’t sure if I was going to give it to her or wait for a while. But that night we had our picnic as the sun set, and she told me she loved me. I wanted to cry tears of joy. I almost did. And I knew I should give her the ring. I nervously pulled it out. I told her the story of the ring and what it meant to me. And she smiled the biggest smile I had ever seen. She understood. She understood me. And she gladly let me put it on. “I'm never going to take this off my finger.” She said smiling. What she didn’t know was how much I wanted to cry with happiness. I began to tear up a little with joy. This is how true love feels. I realized how I had never felt that way about a girl before. It was unique. Different. True love!!

The next day we went to the temple. It was the first time I have gone with a girlfriend. We couldn’t find an entrance, but we had fun wandering around! We made it to the desk. “How do you two spell your last name?” the volunteer unknowingly asked us. “Uuuhhhhhhh…” we both thought to ourselves. “We aren’t married!!” we said. Confusion ensued, but it was eventually dropped. We laughed. Everyone in the temple thought we were married. And I was ok with that. We rushed to get changed, and I sat in the chapel waiting for her. She finally walked in and as soon as I saw her, my heart jumped. This felt so right. We went through our session and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She was the one I wanted to marry. I knew it then for sure. I felt at home there with her. It was perfection.

We finished and later that evening people continually asked what we were celebrating. We gladly told them: “LIFE!” but little did she know, I was celebrating to myself that I had found my soul mate. The next day we went to my mission, and drove around. We met a few people and had dinner with the Wellers. And everywhere I took her I got a big thumbs up. Oh, and I failed to mention, she met my aunt, uncle and cousins, and they all loved her! The Wellers loved her too. We drove back to Provo. And for 5 hours we talked. I had never experienced that with another person. Just so easy to talk to. It was the best day of my life. I eventually came home and had to say goodbye. I dreaded that moment, but I knew we would be together soon. I reluctantly came home, missing her every day more and more.

Aimee recently cut off all her hair. And I want to be an honest man, so I will be. I had a really difficult time with it at first. I loved her hair, and she got rid of it. I was shallow about it, which I regret. She donated it to charity, and did it to show her love for a passed on friend who died from leukemia. But with persuasion from multiple sources it grew on me. And I came to realize that her beauty to me wasn’t just exterior, it was also interior. And that her as a whole was beautiful to me. I finally realized that her hair length didn’t matter, and that she was just as beautiful to me with long hair as with her short hair. Now I can’t help but to look at her picture and have my heart jump with joy every time.

And now we are caught up to the present day. Aimee and I have had ups, downs, breakups and breakdowns. And of course we have our love. She is the one person I want to be with. She is my future. She makes me a better person. She brings out the best in me. And although I know our life together may not be perfect, I know she is the one I want to experience it with. The good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly. I want to be the one she finds comfort in. I want to be the one she loves more than anything. I want to be the one she trusts with her everything. And I will do my best to accomplish that. She is the most kind, the most loving, the most patient, the most BEAUTIFUL and the most wonderful girl I have ever had the privilege of dating. She is my lover, my best friend, my sweetheart, my Eve, my…. Penguin. I love her.

I love you Aimee and always will no matter what.