All great things must come to an end. And Aimee and I did. She talked to me in person, and even though we didn’t have our DTR (determine the relationship for our unknowing viewers) talk yet, I felt as though we were dating. She told me that I was a “premie” (again, pre missionary for those same viewers. Sorry for all my “hip” lingo) and that it couldn’t go any further. I was devastated. All I wanted to ever do was be with her. I just wanted to take care of her, help her. And she didn’t want me to be that man. I cried that night. I tried to “walk it off” in a sense (sorry again). I went on and I dated, but none compared to the majesty that was Aimee Blau. Aimee had said it could work later, but I felt as though she didn’t love me the way I loved her. I remember she had a particularly rough night. She was dealing with issues in her life, and I tried to get her to tell me. She wouldn’t tell me but a few minor details. She was crying and I wanted so bad to comfort her. She wouldn’t let me in! I knew then that she didn’t want me in her life at that moment. I tried to move on, but I kept comparing every girl I met to her. I even dated another girl, and imagined it was Aimee when we first kissed (not recommended….). I couldn’t seem to move on. I went to a play Aimee was in. She sang so sweetly. I brought her a dozen red roses. I had hoped she would take me back, even though I doubted it would happen. I gave her a hug when it was over, and she thanked me for the roses. She was so distracted and seemed to be uneasy about me being there. I reluctantly walked away. I tried one last ditch effort before my mission to reconnect. I called her while I was at a party. I walked into the other room. I called her and told her I had my papers in and where I was going. I asked her if we could meet up and catch up a little before I left. “I don’t think my boyfriend would like that very much,” she said awkwardly. My heart sank and I began to tear up. “Oh sorry! That’s fine! No worries.” I said, faking a joyous voice. I gave up at that moment.
I tried to move on and date around. I got caught up in some drama, and tried to have fun. In the back of my mind Aimee remained. I left on my mission, and every so often I would think of Aimee, wondered how she was doing. I nearly wrote her more than once; to the point where I began a letter. I always ended up throwing it away. I just wasn’t sure she wanted to talk to me. I asked a friend of mine what her address was. “Oh, she is getting married,” he said. “Oh its cool,” I tried to play off that I didn’t care too much. I truly did care. I felt like there was no hope left. She was married, and it wasn’t to me. I felt as though as long as she was happy, I would be happy for her. I let her go then. I kept working hard and finished my mission. My parents came to pick me up. We visited different parts of my mission, and had a fun time. However, on a layover in Salt Lake, the strangest thing happened.
I was at my gate waiting to board the flight, and she walked by. “Aimee??” I said loudly, trying to grab her attention. I knew it was her immediately. How could I forget? She turned around, “oh hey!” she exclaimed. I was still a set apart missionary, plus she was a married girl, (I saw the ring on her finger…. Of course I looked!), so I couldn’t hug her. I awkwardly shook her hand. “Aren’t you married?” I asked, knowing the answer already. “Oh ya!” she said. I was genuinely happy for her. I was happy as long as she was, as I thought, happy. I wanted so badly for me to be the man she loved, but we weren’t ready for each other just yet. I awkwardly said goodbye and went home.
I dated around a lot. Searching desperately for what I had already lost. I lost sight of how I felt about Aimee before. Mostly because I knew she was married, and as far as I knew happily married. I respected her and her husband. We eventually became friends on Facebook, and I would periodically go to her site and see how she was doing. We chatted once or twice, but nothing ever came of it. I began to date a girl for quite some time. We began to talk about marriage, but she wasn’t ready. I was content with life. Things were chugging along quite normally. Aimee would pop up in my mind once in a while, but I had given up hope on her for so long that nothing ever came of it. That is, until one day when she commented on a status of mine. Little did I know the roller coaster of life just reached the apex, and I was about to embark on the most thrilling, confusing and, ultimately, the most amazing experience of my life….
To be continued….
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