The Breakup

I feel the need to explain why David and I broke up when I was 18...

I mean, in hindsight it's like, "Why did you guys ever break up? You're perfect for each other!" But there were reasons and I really do think it was for the best that it happened this way.

I have a hard time remembering, but I think we dated the summer after I graduated. I was staying in AZ and planning to go to CGCC in the fall. I went to Ryan Judd's farewell and saw David there. This time he asked for my number and asked me out. I hadn't had a boyfriend in a few months so I was ready for a relationship, but it started getting serious fast.

David is a pretty intense guy when it comes to relationships. He loves with all his heart--which is so wonderful. It can be a little overwhelming when you're 18 though. There were other things that complicated everything, too:

1. David was/is kind of clingy. I'm not saying this to be mean...he knows it's true! For me, in that time of my life, this was a difficult thing for me to deal with. I would get annoyed easily.

2. Not to be uncouth, but to put it honestly, but I am really attracted to David. Which is of course a good thing, but when you're 18, female, and Mormon no one talks about things like that. I felt like I shouldn't feel that way about him, but I wasn't sure how to tell him, "Um, we probably shouldn't spend a lot of time alone together because I might attack you..." Awkward, right?

3. Life Plans. (I don't think David knows this) I have always known exactly what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go to school, etc. At this time, David didn't seem like he had a lot of ambition. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do with his life, and for some reason I was unsettled by that. I felt like I couldn't figure out how I would fit into his future if he didn't have any idea what that future looked like.

4. David was leaving for 2 years. This was probably the biggest reason. I was never the kind of girl that would ever sit on her butt and write her missionary. So I just figured it would be better to break up before it got serious rather than "Dear John-ing" him halfway through his mission.

All of these things weren't really anyone's fault; just part of life. I guess at that point I wasn't willing to deal with them...I was 18. I wanted to date and have fun...but not too much fun ;)

I think I handled it badly though. I am pretty sure I just stopped talking with David and returning his calls.

I went off to CGCC and found some air-headed guy to date. He was fun, simple, and uncomplicated. I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere and I was okay with that. Simple and shallow was what I wanted at the time.

I wish I could go back in time and explain to David why the time wasn't right for me then. I know that I did a number on his self esteem...and it really wasn't his fault at all. In fact, with just a few years of time, all of the "problems" have resolved themselves! Let's take a look:

1. David is still clingy...but I LOVE IT! After spending 4 years being completely ignored, I now realize that I need to be needed. I am needy and I'll admit it proudly. I love to know that David is thinking about me...because I am thinking about him too. And in his defense, he has gotten much better at being chill when I don't text him back right away.

2. I am still crazy about David, but now I've learned that it's "okay" to feel that way! And I feel comfortable enough with him and myself to be honest about my feelings; so I can tell him when it's time to take me home and he can know that it's not because I'm bored. :)

3. David is so ambitious now. I admire his drive and his intelligence more than ever. We are now so well matched in our thirst for knowledge and our passion for life. I feel like we are an unstoppable team now and that we are going to do amazing things.

4. David is back! Unfortunately now I am the person complicating things... Lucky for me, David is a better person than I am and he has decided that he'll wait for me.

I just hope I don't get a "Dear Jane" letter anytime soon!

David's Utah Adventure

 

I was so excited in the days leading up to David's visit. I planned this perfect picnic with all of these fancy foods, I tried a bunch of different outfits and fretted over how I would do my hair.

It was such a fun weekend. We joked and laughed and acted silly, but my favorite memories are the more serious ones.

The Saturday we spent together was probably the most spiritual day of my life. Yes, even more spiritual than my sealing, although that day was a joyous day. But I will never forget the way David looked at me in the temple. I felt so beautiful. And he told me that I was. I would catch him peeking at me from around the other brethren and I would smile from my soul.

 

One thing I LOVED about the live sessions was the interaction between Adam and Eve. They were equally yoked in all things. Adam was desirous to share his light and knowledge with Eve, and she shared her all with him. They walked side by side throughout their journey, never deviating from their course.

I believe that one of the purposes of the Temple is to teach us what a Celestial Marriage looks like. Adam and Eve faced great trials, but they faced them hand-in-hand.

I have several favorite memories from that day. David and I sat in the Celestial room together, starry-eyed, discussing sacred things together. For once I was not lonely in the Celestial Room. I shared with him my most sacred experiences and I knew he would keep them safe.

 

Sometimes it is the little things. I remember watching the witness couples many times and feeling envious. The husband would take his wife by the hand and lead her to the altar helping her kneel with his hand on her back. Oh how I wished that woman were me! That day in September, David lead me from room to room, by my side, with his hand at my elbow or on my back. We stood together in prayer for others and for the righteous desires of our own hearts. I never have felt so loved or loving. It was a glorious day.

That weekend we drove all over Utah and Idaho. We read parts of Paradise Lost. We shared secrets and spiritual experiences. At times, the inside of that car became a holy place. And I was not lonely anymore.

 

Calling out

It's not that late, but I am missing my beautiful penguin. Long distance is difficult, and I wish it wasn't the case. My better half posted (as you can see) about the Emperor Penguin and their difficulty with long distance. However, they don't have Skype... but still...

Yet, as I read and pondered on what the penguins endure all for each other and their child, I gained a deeper understanding on sacrifice and love. Love, as I have stated before, makes you do crazy things. Although, I do believe love is about lifting and supporting another being, as they support and lift you. A team. Working together to make the other happy. With a foundation like that, any relationship can get through... well... anything! So, back to our penguins, we see that both the male and female penguin sacrifice in order to lift each other up. They take turns bringing food for their child. That is commitment. That is sacrifice. That is true love.

I began to consider myself, and what it would be like to be an emperor penguin. After finding my one true love, bowing to her to let her know I am hers. I then would have to watch her leave. Patiently waiting for her return. Wondering if she will be ok, get enough to eat, if she is staying warm, wondering when she will be back... I would be cold, tired, hungry, but I would do it all for her. I imagined that as I began to see the females return, I would call out for her. I would not stop until she was by my side. After she returns, I then would have to leave her, and worry just as much as I travel to fill our needs.

So here I am, patiently waiting for my penguin to return. She is off getting what she needs, but I know she will be back. And I will never stop calling out for her.

Long Distance Relationships

It is late and I am missing my penguin. I was feeling sorry for myself and murmuring that long distance relationships are hard. And then I remembered that the Emperor Penguin has a tough time with long distance relationships too.
After courtship and breeding, the mommy penguin lays an egg. However, making a baby penguin is really hard work, so she gives the egg to the daddy penguin so she can go to the sea to eat lots of fish. This trip can take a long time, at least 2 months. While the female is gone,The male spends the winter incubating the egg balancing it on the tops of his feet, for 64 consecutive days until it hatches. The Emperor Penguin is the only species where this behavior is observed, since all other penguin parents take turns taking care of their egg. By the time the egg hatches, the male will have fasted for around 115 days. Not only is he really, really hungry, but it's flippin' cold! To survive the cold and winds of up to 120 mph, the males huddle together, taking turns in the middle of the huddle. In the four months of travel, courtship, and incubation, the male may lose as much as 40 lbs!
When the mommy penguin gets back, about ten days after the baby penguin hatches, She finds her mate among the hundreds of fathers by following his voice when he calls for her. She then takes over caring for the chick, feeding it by regurgitating the food that she has stored in her stomach. YUM! But the mommy and daddy are only together for a little while because the daddy takes his turn at sea, spending around 24 days there before coming back.
So I guess it could be worse...

Update!

So, I just wanted to take the liberty to say that I fully believe Aimee and I can and will get through anything. She makes me the happiest person on the planet, and she is beautiful to boot! I'm not perfect, but she manages to still love me! Here's a small list of things we can get through:

A mine field

Troll 2

A unicorn rebellion

All the Twilight movies

A fussy teenager going through puberty

Burnt cookies

Spilled milk (although I may cry)

Locusts

Bad internet connections

10 years of being apart

Calculus

A midget uprising

Really bad jokes (including this one)

Nail breaking

Mosquitos

Moths

Explosive paint cans

Really badly singing babies (not our own of course)

A clown infestation

The discovery that light isn't the universal speed limit

The discovery that the kids got into something they shouldn't have

A black hole

A haircut

Mars

A flat tire

Spilled salt

Spilled salt in the already spilled milk

Baby barf

A failed test

A broken mirror

A ninja attack

A loss of forearms resulting in an inability to shave ones armpits

Utah

The big bang

A bad dinner (made by me)

A bad vacation

Lions, tigers, and bears (oh my)

Really bad sunday school lessons

Really boring speakers (dry counsel sundays...)

Lame concerts

Power outage

The universe collapsing resulting from neutrinos breaking the speed of light.

The list goes on!!

I love her more than anyone will ever understand. She is my Eve, my friend, my penguin. :)

The Return…

Love is, as I believe, the most complex of human emotions. It can lead one to stop eating, stop sleeping; it can cause someone to do something they never have done before. Love can make a person the happiest person alive, and it can drown them in the depths of sorrow. Love is in everything and everyone, sometimes it’s hard to define. For me, love is…. Just love. A complete devotion to a single human being in the moment you are with them. True love is complete devotion to a person indefinitely. I thought I was in love. We pick up our story where I left off; I was in a relationship where I was content. After all, the one woman I had truly loved had slipped through my fingers and gotten married. So I was only having second choices, although I hadn’t been fully conscious of it. I was dating a nice girl. Yet, something was missing. Doubts often would creep into my mind, but I would put them off. The best way to put it was contempt. I was ok, fine, all right; however you want to put it. But, I didn’t have what I wanted.

I posted something on the bookface. It’s a wonderful social media debacle that allows ratings of ones soul in a public setting. And she commented. At first glance I smiled because I always loved hearing from her, but something was different. Her last name was back to her maiden name. ”Waiiiiittttt a minute…” I hopefully thought to myself. “Is she still married?” I had often wondered what my life would be like if she got a divorce, but I never thought it would happen. After all, she WAS happily married right? I went to her page, and looked at her pictures. Every last one of her and her ex were gone. “NO WAY!” I now yelled to myself. I was still unsure, so I wrote her a message. “So…. I don’t want to pry into your life, but are you still married?” I typed to her. She eventually replied: “No, I’m not.” I began to pace my room. A flood of emotions overwhelmed me. I was happy. I had another chance perhaps. But I was still content with my girlfriend…. What to do??? We kept talking. We slowly began to compliment each other. Saying how the person she marries will be a lucky guy. She said something back along those lines (except with a girl of course…). I began to feel at that moment how I felt for her years ago. She had mentioned to me before how she felt bad about breaking up with me, and how I was a really good guy. So I figured there was something still there. As I did before, I began to venture blindly into a world I was unaware of. I couldn’t foresee the results of my actions, but all I knew is how I felt. I nonchalantly said: “you know… we have really bad timing.” “Yea, we do” she said. I began to FREAK OUT. All I ever wanted was to be with this girl. I always loved her. Truly loved her. Devoted to her. And she seemed as though she was within my grasp! We continued to talk more and more seriously about our feelings. But I was still with my girlfriend. I had to make a big decision. Do I leave my girlfriend and go with my true love? Many fears flooded over me, and I was confused. I decided before I make brash decisions… we should meet.

I went to her house one night. As I walked to her door, my heart pounded. My palms were sweaty, and my mind racing. What should I say? What shall I do? What if I say something stupid? And there she stood, in all her magnificence. My heart stopped for a moment, just like before. I knew I was still in love. We just talked, and caught up. I told her all about what was new, and she told me. I connected with her unlike any human I have ever connected with. It was deeper, more profound, more… Amazing. I dropped her off, and I met up with my girlfriend. I knew my heart was somewhere else. I felt as though I was cheating. Although, we never touched more than a hug. The odd thing was who I felt I was cheating with… I felt as though I was cheating on Aimee. It was an odd experience.

Aimee and I met up a few more times, each time more wonderful than the next. Just talking each time. I remember the moment at which I knew Aimee and I would be together. We were walking around bass pro shop, just being together, as always. We sat down in some rocking chairs and we began to talk more deeply about things. I just remember her talking about what she wanted in a relationship, and as I looked at her, a feeling of peace came over me, and love filled me. I knew she was the one I was waiting for. I decided I had to break it off with my current girlfriend. I finally mustered up the courage, after all, I HATE hurting people, especially the ones I care about. It was difficult, but worth it.

Aimee and I immediately fell right back where we left off years ago. I went to her house to watch Up. We ended up not watching it. NO, not like that. We just talked. I will admit though, we did kiss. It felt like home. It felt like this is who I should have been kissing this whole time. It was the most loving kiss I had ever had. I had missed her for years and I finally was with the girl I longed to be with. We saw each other every night till she left. It was a sad day. My soul wrenched to see her leave again, but we promised to visit. We talked on the phone every night, that or skyped. She was always so beautiful. Time passed and I had an opportunity to go up to Utah and see her. I had in my mind how the trip would go, and it ended up being FAR more wonderful than I ever had expected.

I got off the plane and she was waiting for me. She was dressed in a beautiful dress. I picked her up, twirled her and kissed her. I was home again. We ended up going to a raspberry patch to pick raspberries and have a picnic. Now, BACKSTORY TIME!!!! I bought a promise ring years ago for another girl. And we eventually broke up, and she gave it back to me. That ring meant so much to me. It was my heart and my promise. I decided I would give it to the girl I was to marry. I never felt right about giving it to any of my exes, but with Aimee, I knew it was right. BACK TO THE STORY I brought that ring with me, and kept it in my pocket. I wasn’t sure if I was going to give it to her or wait for a while. But that night we had our picnic as the sun set, and she told me she loved me. I wanted to cry tears of joy. I almost did. And I knew I should give her the ring. I nervously pulled it out. I told her the story of the ring and what it meant to me. And she smiled the biggest smile I had ever seen. She understood. She understood me. And she gladly let me put it on. “I'm never going to take this off my finger.” She said smiling. What she didn’t know was how much I wanted to cry with happiness. I began to tear up a little with joy. This is how true love feels. I realized how I had never felt that way about a girl before. It was unique. Different. True love!!

The next day we went to the temple. It was the first time I have gone with a girlfriend. We couldn’t find an entrance, but we had fun wandering around! We made it to the desk. “How do you two spell your last name?” the volunteer unknowingly asked us. “Uuuhhhhhhh…” we both thought to ourselves. “We aren’t married!!” we said. Confusion ensued, but it was eventually dropped. We laughed. Everyone in the temple thought we were married. And I was ok with that. We rushed to get changed, and I sat in the chapel waiting for her. She finally walked in and as soon as I saw her, my heart jumped. This felt so right. We went through our session and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She was the one I wanted to marry. I knew it then for sure. I felt at home there with her. It was perfection.

We finished and later that evening people continually asked what we were celebrating. We gladly told them: “LIFE!” but little did she know, I was celebrating to myself that I had found my soul mate. The next day we went to my mission, and drove around. We met a few people and had dinner with the Wellers. And everywhere I took her I got a big thumbs up. Oh, and I failed to mention, she met my aunt, uncle and cousins, and they all loved her! The Wellers loved her too. We drove back to Provo. And for 5 hours we talked. I had never experienced that with another person. Just so easy to talk to. It was the best day of my life. I eventually came home and had to say goodbye. I dreaded that moment, but I knew we would be together soon. I reluctantly came home, missing her every day more and more.

Aimee recently cut off all her hair. And I want to be an honest man, so I will be. I had a really difficult time with it at first. I loved her hair, and she got rid of it. I was shallow about it, which I regret. She donated it to charity, and did it to show her love for a passed on friend who died from leukemia. But with persuasion from multiple sources it grew on me. And I came to realize that her beauty to me wasn’t just exterior, it was also interior. And that her as a whole was beautiful to me. I finally realized that her hair length didn’t matter, and that she was just as beautiful to me with long hair as with her short hair. Now I can’t help but to look at her picture and have my heart jump with joy every time.

And now we are caught up to the present day. Aimee and I have had ups, downs, breakups and breakdowns. And of course we have our love. She is the one person I want to be with. She is my future. She makes me a better person. She brings out the best in me. And although I know our life together may not be perfect, I know she is the one I want to experience it with. The good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly. I want to be the one she finds comfort in. I want to be the one she loves more than anything. I want to be the one she trusts with her everything. And I will do my best to accomplish that. She is the most kind, the most loving, the most patient, the most BEAUTIFUL and the most wonderful girl I have ever had the privilege of dating. She is my lover, my best friend, my sweetheart, my Eve, my…. Penguin. I love her.

I love you Aimee and always will no matter what.

A Two-Minute Poem

In my advanced writing class, I assigned my students to keep writer's notebooks so that at the end of the unit we could have a poetry reading. I realized that I should read a piece as well, but I hadn't written anything. So I timed myself for two minutes and didn't allow myself to erase, cross-out, edit, revise anything or stop writing until the two minutes was up. Although I am aching to revise some things, I kept it in its original form to prove to my students that sometimes you just need to write and tell your internal censor to shut up. Try it sometime.

So here is my poem.

Berry Picking/In the Briars

You offered me a spot of sunchine and I accepted
taking the soft, warm, sweetness between my lips.
The burst of surprise almost as tart and pleasing
as the pressure of your outstretched fingers as they
lingered on my lips.

The sun-setting shimmered through my lashes
and set off sparks in your eyes
when you smiled at me crouching between the briars.

I picked faster than you--my basket heavy with fruit--
while your harvest rolled around haphazardly
in the bottom of your bucket.
I spent time picking, but you were looking:
Looking at me.
Looking at me looking at you.
Looking.
Laughing.

Feeding me berries.
Feeding my soul

Yet more clarification....

David here.... Ok, first off, i would like to say, sorry for being so melodramatic. I like to embellish things when I write! Especially when it is late at night... which I wrote all my postings late. And be patient, I do realize my last post was semi depressing, but i promise there will be a happy ending!

And as for Aimee's mom, she is great! And she doesn't control Aimee's life. I will say though, that Aimee did in fact tell me her mom won't let her date! I'm standing by that story! But I do realize that Aimee was the true decider in that situation. Aimee's mom is actually really awesome! Her dad too. They raised such a wonderful young woman up correctly. I owe them a lot!

The Despair....

All great things must come to an end. And Aimee and I did. She talked to me in person, and even though we didn’t have our DTR (determine the relationship for our unknowing viewers) talk yet, I felt as though we were dating. She told me that I was a “premie” (again, pre missionary for those same viewers. Sorry for all my “hip” lingo) and that it couldn’t go any further. I was devastated. All I wanted to ever do was be with her. I just wanted to take care of her, help her. And she didn’t want me to be that man. I cried that night. I tried to “walk it off” in a sense (sorry again). I went on and I dated, but none compared to the majesty that was Aimee Blau. Aimee had said it could work later, but I felt as though she didn’t love me the way I loved her. I remember she had a particularly rough night. She was dealing with issues in her life, and I tried to get her to tell me. She wouldn’t tell me but a few minor details. She was crying and I wanted so bad to comfort her. She wouldn’t let me in! I knew then that she didn’t want me in her life at that moment. I tried to move on, but I kept comparing every girl I met to her. I even dated another girl, and imagined it was Aimee when we first kissed (not recommended….). I couldn’t seem to move on. I went to a play Aimee was in. She sang so sweetly. I brought her a dozen red roses. I had hoped she would take me back, even though I doubted it would happen. I gave her a hug when it was over, and she thanked me for the roses. She was so distracted and seemed to be uneasy about me being there. I reluctantly walked away. I tried one last ditch effort before my mission to reconnect. I called her while I was at a party. I walked into the other room. I called her and told her I had my papers in and where I was going. I asked her if we could meet up and catch up a little before I left. “I don’t think my boyfriend would like that very much,” she said awkwardly. My heart sank and I began to tear up. “Oh sorry! That’s fine! No worries.” I said, faking a joyous voice. I gave up at that moment.

I tried to move on and date around. I got caught up in some drama, and tried to have fun. In the back of my mind Aimee remained. I left on my mission, and every so often I would think of Aimee, wondered how she was doing. I nearly wrote her more than once; to the point where I began a letter. I always ended up throwing it away. I just wasn’t sure she wanted to talk to me. I asked a friend of mine what her address was. “Oh, she is getting married,” he said. “Oh its cool,” I tried to play off that I didn’t care too much. I truly did care. I felt like there was no hope left. She was married, and it wasn’t to me. I felt as though as long as she was happy, I would be happy for her. I let her go then. I kept working hard and finished my mission. My parents came to pick me up. We visited different parts of my mission, and had a fun time. However, on a layover in Salt Lake, the strangest thing happened.

I was at my gate waiting to board the flight, and she walked by. “Aimee??” I said loudly, trying to grab her attention. I knew it was her immediately. How could I forget? She turned around, “oh hey!” she exclaimed. I was still a set apart missionary, plus she was a married girl, (I saw the ring on her finger…. Of course I looked!), so I couldn’t hug her. I awkwardly shook her hand. “Aren’t you married?” I asked, knowing the answer already. “Oh ya!” she said. I was genuinely happy for her. I was happy as long as she was, as I thought, happy. I wanted so badly for me to be the man she loved, but we weren’t ready for each other just yet. I awkwardly said goodbye and went home.

I dated around a lot. Searching desperately for what I had already lost. I lost sight of how I felt about Aimee before. Mostly because I knew she was married, and as far as I knew happily married. I respected her and her husband. We eventually became friends on Facebook, and I would periodically go to her site and see how she was doing. We chatted once or twice, but nothing ever came of it. I began to date a girl for quite some time. We began to talk about marriage, but she wasn’t ready. I was content with life. Things were chugging along quite normally. Aimee would pop up in my mind once in a while, but I had given up hope on her for so long that nothing ever came of it. That is, until one day when she commented on a status of mine. Little did I know the roller coaster of life just reached the apex, and I was about to embark on the most thrilling, confusing and, ultimately, the most amazing experience of my life….

To be continued….

Clarification

I feel the need to explain my rationale behind "breaking up" with David in 8th grade. David says that I called him up and said: "my mom won't let me date you anymore." That is the lamest thing ever! If that's really how it went down, then I am so embarrassed. I imagine that it went more like this, but maybe I am giving myself too much credit:


"David, I have committed that I won't date before I am sixteen, so I can't date you. My mom thinks that talking on the phone all the time and wanting to go places is pretty much dating, so I guess I shouldn't do those things any more."


While my mom is really involved in my life, she isn't as controlling as sometimes she's made out to be. After all, she is David's biggest fan. AND it was my choice not to date before I was 16...and I didn't. 


I just wish David had called me when we were both 16. Silly boy.


Also, I believe the little clay thing was called a "cootie." I went on vacation to California and there was a street artist on the beach in Carlsbad or Oceanside selling these little clay figurines. The whole time I was on vacation my mom and I were looking for something to get David and when we saw these ugly/cute little things we thought they were perfect. 

Moments of Bliss...

I slowly stepped into the darkness. Fear of rejection and doubts of my decision encompassed me. Yet, I was comforted. My path was set. My direction sure. And I carefully planned every detail of our night together. Now that I was single, the encounter could be more. This is the girl I had fallen for so quickly. My stomach was in knots, I lost my appetite, I couldn’t sleep, and I couldn’t have been more excited! I wasn’t sure how the evening would carry out. After all, I never asked Aimee on an official date, I had only planned for us to just “catch up”. I nervously checked my watch, carefully waiting for the moment I can see her beautiful face. I was ready about an hour early… and I checked my breath at least every 5 minutes. I drove to her house to pick her up, daydreaming of the imminent evening. I pulled up, got out, and my heart raced as I knocked in the door. The door opened and there she stood, in a white shirt, jeans, Converse shoes, and a bow in her hair. My heart then proceeded to stop. I am alive today, so I assume it began to beat again, I’m not sure how long it was stopped, however. She smiled, gave me a hug, and off we went. I had asked her if she liked sushi, and she told me she did. I decided to take her to Ra on Mill Ave. We talked the entire way to the restaurant. Not one moment do I remember the conversation turning awkward. Nor do I remember running out of things to talk about. I was at home. Never had I ever felt more comfortable with another person. Just pure bliss at every moment.

We pulled up to the restaurant, parked the car, and got out as normal procedure. I specifically remember I had a gum wrapper in my hand. I went to toss it in the garbage and missed. “Are you going to pick that up!?” she asked intently. I felt like such a litter bug at that moment. “I believe in making the world cleaner for our children,” she said. I remember from that moment on, I was very conscious of making sure I threw things away. It was a small thing to her, but it made a huge impact on me. To this day I still make sure whatever I throw in the garbage makes it in! We sat down and had a wonderful dinner. We talked, laughed, and just enjoyed each other’s company. I couldn’t dream of it going better. We walked down Mill ave. after dinner and made our way to Tempe Town Lake. We sat on the edge of the lake, still talking. I wanted so badly to hold her. I finally mustered up the courage and put my arm around her. She began to smile from ear to ear. “Is this ok?” I asked hoping I wasn’t making her uncomfortable. “Yeah,” She said smiling. It was the first time I had really made physical contact with her besides dancing that night so long before. I couldn’t believe the girl I had longed for was reciprocating my feelings. The night carried on, we held hands while we walked. And the evening went better than I could ever have imagined. I took her home, and walked her to the door. I went in for a kiss but I was rejected! (It was the first and only time that has happened to me, so it was awkward to say the least.) She kindly turned her head away as I leaned in. “you just broke up with your girlfriend!” she exclaimed. It was true; I just had the day before… So yes it was quick. But I knew how I felt about her; despite the fact she wasn’t sure about me. (Or so I believe!) The night ended, I drove home, and daydreamed the entire way home.

Aimee and I kept in touch, and the chronology of what happened when escapes me, but I will try my best to remember all the details. We slowly started dating. I remember when our relationship was young I went to her house in my dads truck to watch a movie. As I pulled up in a big truck, I saw a car was outside and Aimee was talking to someone. He drove away and Aimee proceeded to tell me it was a friend of hers that was obsessed with her. I felt so lucky. I was a MAN! I was there with the most beautiful girl I had ever met. I won. (In a sense…) we watched King Kong, and she fell asleep. I didn’t watch much of the movie, I was too busy looking at her; I couldn’t get my eyes off her! (I realize this may sound creepy, but oh well…. It was the truth.) She woke up at the end, and apologized. I really didn’t care; I loved every minute of it. We had our first kiss in Las Sendas. I love cityscapes, so we went up there to look over the city (cheesy I know…). It was beautiful. It wasn’t nearly as beautiful as her. I wanted to kiss her so bad, but I was afraid of getting rejected again. I nervously asked, “ I know this guy who likes this girl, and he really wants to kiss her… what should he do?” I tried being subtly obvious. I hoped she would give me a simple yes or no answer. But no, this is Aimee we are talking about, so she ended up playing the game right back. “I don’t know… what if this girl doesn’t like the guy back?” she connivingly said back. We went back and forth for a while, and we both knew what was going on, but we just played the game. I finally got tired of it and moved in! It was the best kiss I ever had. It was so full of love, so incredible. I will never forget that night in Las Sendas. The last date we ever had we went and got Ben and Jerry’s ice cream and sat behind Shepherd Jr. High. We ate our ice cream and talked for some time. It was drizzly outside and a little cold. We kissed some more that night, and I loved every minute. I never wanted to loose her. I tried so hard to never let her go. She was the only person I ever felt this way about. I knew that night I wanted to marry her. It was a bit crazy, but I knew how I felt. It was unique and special! I never wanted to loose her.

To be continued….

The Dance

Aimee here. Now it’s my turn to tell the other side of the story. At the outset of my post, I will ask that readers are forgiving. My memory is more clouded than David’s so there may be moments of where I exercise dramatic license. Also, there is no need to point out that my posts are far inferior to David’s. What’s amusing is that while I am far less eloquent than my counterpart, I am a writing teacher! All things aside, I will do my best.

I was so excited for the salsa contest.  I was in Mrs. Clemens conversational Spanish class at the time, so I had planned the entire event. I had brought a big bowl of the famous Blau Salsa (which won first prize, of course) and my best friends Nikki Pettinato and Alyssa Hinkle and I were having a great time listening to music, giggling, and eating chips. I probably noticed David the moment he walked in, although I am not even sure why he was there since it was a Spanish Club activity. Anyway, I remember thinking that he was pretty cute so I did what I normally did when I thought a boy was cute: be loud and obnoxious to try and attract his attention. This kind of behavior may seem silly; however, it is a proven mating technique in the animal kingdom, so don’t judge.

I just know how I get when I am surrounded by my girlfriends. I am sure we were dancing and talking loud and telling jokes and being silly. I think I was secretly hoping that he would notice me and come up to me, but I didn’t want to keep waiting for him to get his act together.  I fabricated what I thought was a clever reason to approach him and told him that everyone at the contest had a Spanish name and that he needed one too. I christened him Pedro and tried to chat with him a little. I realize now that he was just nervous around girls, but I just figured he didn’t like me that much. So I rejoined my girlfriends and tried to smile at him when I managed to catch his eye. My friends teased me about this new crush, but I just shrugged and laughed. Alyssa threatened to tell him about my feelings, but instead of begging her to keep it a secret I said, “Go ahead!”

Later that afternoon in choir, Alyssa bounded up to me. She spilled her news, and together the three of us wrote what we thought was the best note ever. Nikki showed me how to fold it in a cute way and Alyssa promised that she’d deliver it.

When I got a reply we all crowded around the note trying to read it at the same time. But it was slow going. David’s hand writing is AWFUL. It was like decoding ancient cuneiform. I guess we eventually figured it out because I wrote another note, and another, and another. For years I kept David’s notes tucked away in a purple-papered notebook…just to look at every few years and remember the sweet memories of awkward crushes.

I am not 100% sure, but I think David may have asked me to the dance in a note…I just can’t imagine him having the guts to ask me in person, and I know that I would have asked my mom for permission first. Getting my mom to let me go to the dance may have been the most difficult period of our relationship. I wanted to go so badly, but I was still two years from being proper dating age.  My most persuasive argument was that if I was allowed to go to the LDS Stake dances at 14 it is only logical that I could go to a school dance too. My parents talked it over and decided that I could go as long as I followed a few rules: that our parents dropped us off and picked us up at the school so that we didn’t arrive “together,” no dinner or activities before or after the dance, no flowers or boutonniere, and I had to promise to dance at least one dance with another guy. I was thrilled that they were being so flexible so I enthusiastically consented to the terms of the contract.

I remember going shopping for my dress the day of the dance. My parents decided to let me go only days before the event itself, so I hadn’t had time to go shopping at all. My mom and I went to store after store looking for anything somewhat modest. No luck. My mom didn’t want me wearing anything too formal and sparkly because she didn’t think the 9^th grade dance was supposed to be like a prom. I just wanted to find something that I thought David might like. I found a lacy sleeveless dress that hugged the non-existent curves of my boyish eighth-grade fame and I thought it was so pretty and grownup. But the problem of covering my shoulders remained. My mom found a nice black cardigan, but she made me swear on pain of death that I would wear it the whole time. I reluctantly agreed.

My parents dropped me off at the school behind the gymnasium and I saw David waiting there for me. He had a corsage in his hand. This was the very first time a boy had ever given me flowers. I can’t recall, but I am sure there was some gawky posing for pictures at some point before we were finally allowed to go into the gym.

We walked around for a bit, watching the already dancing couples, looking at the food, searching for people we knew. I don’t think I ate anything—my stomach was in knots and I was terrified that I’d spill on myself or get something stuck in my teeth. At length David asked me to dance.

But then there was the problem of hand placement. I had been instructed by my careful mother to only dance in the “waltz position” with hands on waist and bicep and clasped at shoulder height. For only the loose girls danced with their arms about a boys’ neck.  But it seemed that everyone on the dance floor was dancing with her arms around her date’s neck and his hands precariously close to her hips. I didn’t want David to think that I didn’t like him. I didn’t want to be a loose woman. I took a deep breath and laced my fingers behind his neck.

So I may have broken some of the rules: I danced a little too close just to smell his cologne. I danced with him all night because I didn’t want to leave his side. I wore his corsage so everyone there would know that I was his date. But I didn’t take off my jacket…so I think my mom will understand.

The Fall...

Tis' better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. This statement in all of its truthfulness never states what may be the best option of all: Tis' better to have loved and kept, than never have lost at all. I, however, am not going to focus on the latter statement. At least not yet anyway... Let us journey back to where we left off: It was a dark and stormy night... Oh, sorry, wrong story! Let my try that again: It was a joyous prom filled night.... (Much better) Ok ok, enough with the silliness. I had been dating a girl for some time. We were not of the same faith; which, at the time, I had little problem with. She was a nice girl, but something was missing in my life, and she was a sort of patch, if you will. She had asked me to attend her senior prom. A night filled with dirty dancing (I didn't take part...), punch, and the aroma of teenage essence. I had been graduated for almost a year, and I was a college student. I agreed, got my suit, the corsage, dinner, etc. and we embarked on our night. I was content with this relationship. We didn't fight, we had fun, and it was healthy. Yet, as I mentioned before, something was amiss. I didn't foresee anything would come along in our evening to change my course in life. We arrived fashionably late, and went to take pictures when it happened.

There she stood. In her pink dress. Talking, smiling, a glow of happiness around her. She was on a small grassy hill. On a pedestal. As if the universe was displaying her just for me. "Wow" I thought to myself, "she is beautiful... I should say hi." I kindly told my date I needed to say hi to someone, and she consented. I walked over, watching her every action, reminiscing to the days when I was by her side. As I came close, we made eye contact (those deep piercing eyes...). "Hey Aimee!!" I said with a joyous tone. I attempted to give her a hug that turned out to be an unsuccessful and extremely awkward one. She had the cutest I-have-no-idea-who-the-heck-you-are look on her face. I was taken back; does she not remember me at all? I thought what we had was special. I decided to try to redeem my embarrassment by trying to stimulate some memories. I pointed to myself and with a shocked and saddened voice I said: "David?" As if to say "HELLO!??!! Do you not remember the most amazing man you have ever met!??" (Ok not really, but I was a little surprised she didn't remember me). "OH!!" she exclaimed then she proceeded to wrap her arms around me. I didn't quite know it yet, but I was at home. The void was filled for just a moment. "How have you been?" I cordially asked. She proceeded to tell me a brief summary of her life, how she was keeping busy, and she made it a point that the boy she was with was just a friend. I noticed her attempt to let me know that she was single. It made me smile. The encounter was brief, yet time seemed to slow down for us, letting us enjoy each other’s company for a moment more. I realized I was still with my girlfriend, and should be courteous to her. I wanted to ask Aimee for her number, but alas, there was too much going on for us to be able to exchange numbers. I reluctantly walked away, and the night went on. I didn't see her the rest of the night, even though I secretly was looking for her. I searched in hopes I could get her number and see her sweet face. I feared I would never see her again.

A week or two later, I began having doubts about my relationship with my girlfriend. Nothing serious, just didn't believe that I found the connection I longed for. That's when it happened again. I attended church like I did weekly. Sat down with my parents, placed my head on the pew in front of me, and listened to the speaker. Ryan Judd was giving his farewell talk (oh I know they don’t call it that anymore, but SSHHHH!). I felt an urge to look around the room. I slyly turned around pretending to crack my back when I saw her again. "You have GOT to be kidding me,” I thought to myself. I realized I had regained my opportunity to ask for her number. I kept looking back, jokingly making a face or two to cover up the fact that I couldn't stop looking at her. I think she noticed... The talks finished, and I immediately jumped up to talk to her. I had to search for her for a bit, but I wouldn't let her slip between my fingers. I found her; she was wearing a black dress and talking with some people. I carefully walked up, fully conscious of my every movement, trying so desperately to look cool and confident. "Hey!" her sweet voice exclaimed. We talked for a while. She told me how her and Ryan go back to childhood. She melted me, and I clung to every word that poured out of her mouth. I somehow managed to muster up the strength to say, "Maybe we can go get dinner or something, hang out for old time's sake." "That would be great!" She said sweetly. Now, I realize I still had a girlfriend. I had no intention on cheating on her; I really did want to catch up with Aimee. And I felt like something drew me to her.

Aimee and I kept talking, and I realized I had feelings for her. "But I have a girlfriend..." I thought to myself. I began to daydream about my girlfriend and I's future one night. I couldn't see us getting married. I physically couldn't imagine it. As if it was blocked in my mind. Not being of the same faith can make things difficult, especially when you have different goals in life. That’s when I had a life changing moment. She popped into my head. I saw Aimee and I in front of the temple after getting married. "Woa!" I thought to myself, "Calm down David. You barely know this girl! I mean true we have known each other for years..." It dawned on me. I needed to get married in the temple. THAT'S what I want. I decided if that’s how I feel, then I should go on a mission. The path of my life became set at that moment. All because of her. My feelings for her became very deep, very fast. I decided that my dinner with Aimee should become a date. I called it off with my girlfriend and nervously walked into the unknown...

To be continued…

Sneak Peek of Labor Day Adventures

The Beginning...

The odyssey that is the story of these two lovebirds is a long, fate-filled experience of a lifetime! However, every story has a beginning... and this one is not lacking. It all started back in junior high. I being a young man, inexperienced in the realm of interpersonal relationships with the opposite sex, found myself at a contest of salsa. The joyous celebration took place at Shepherd Jr. High, in the choir room as I recollect. I walked in, trying my best to be the "coolest" boy in the room (failing miserably I might add). She came over to me and said hello. She was partially in charge of this fiesta (as usual, seeing as how she is so talented), and asked me my name. I had seen her before in elementary school, and thought she was very pretty. The problem was, girls had what we call "cooties". They are evil little buggers that little boys are deathly afraid of. So, as a boy I never had the courage to talk to her. The first time I had ever seen her was at an assembly. She was in charge of a club and was representing her class (see what I mean!??). I thought she was beautiful, but too afraid of catching the cootie virus. As i was saying, she confronted me at the salsa contest. She then informed me I had to come up with a Spanish name for myself. We came up with Pedro. I thought it fit well, but really I could’ve cared less. I just wanted to be around this wonderful creature. She proceeded to tell me her Spanish name was Cha Cha. I tried my best to impress this girl! I would look at her from across the room; she would look at me and smile. "I don’t have a chance" I continuously said to myself. We kept talking, and I melted. But alas, the contest ended. I left, and I figured nothing would become of us, seeing as how she was too perfect for me. Later that day, I was eating lunch and sitting on a bench with my friends. Alyssa Hinckle walked over to me (which made my friend nervous seeing as how he had a crush on her) and proceeded to say, "Hey, my friend likes you". "A girl likes me?" I wondered. My mind raced through all the girls I knew... but who would like ME?? I asked who, then the words "Aimee Blau" streamed from Alyssa's mouth. "Cha cha likes me?" I thought. My jaw dropped... my heart raced.... could this be true? I told her Aimee should write me a note (notes were cool back then.) and she consented. I walked a little taller that day.

The next day, I got a note from Aimee. The details escape me, but essentially it was a get to know you better note. What's your favorite color? What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Etc. I answered, nervous that my atrocious handwriting would be legible. I gave her the note between classes. This proceeded for quite some time. We then would call each other, talking for hours on end. I was falling for her at such a young age, I didn't fully understand my feelings, but all I knew is I wanted to be around her, talk to her, anything to hear from her and brighten my day! The 9th grade formal was imminent, and I decided to ask her to go. I nervously asked her in person, and she agreed to go with a smile on her face. "Pinch me" I kept thinking. Still nervous with every encounter. I knew what we had was special, even then. I remember the day we walked together to get the ticket to the dance. I felt like a champion, with the most beautiful girl in the school walking next to me. I kept thinking that she was too good for me, but I didn't complain.

Some time had passed and my sisters helped me pick out a stellar silver shirt and tie combination. I got ready and grabbed the corsage I bought for her. I put on my cologne (actually, it was my brothers...) and I nervously watched the clock tick as time got closer to pick her up. I had to go to a reception with my brother before I picked her up. I remember sitting there, planning how the evening would go. My brother handed me gum, "you will need this!" he said with a wink. "Riiiigghhhhttt" I thought. I hadn't even held a girls hand, much less kiss one! I reluctantly grabbed it and put it in my mouth. Then came time to see her... I hugged her, clumsily put on the corsage, and off to the dance we went. We walked around and talked for a bit... However, I was much too afraid to ask her to dance. I was NOT a good dancer, and I was so afraid she would laugh at me! But I finally mustered up the courage... "Would you like to dance?" I asked in a trembling voice. "Of course" she said with a smile. A slow song was on... I could do slow songs (all you have to do is walk in a circle right?). We slowly danced and I held her at arms distance, too nervous and scared to hold such a wonderful girl so close. She smiled the entire time, and I melted.... I don't even remember seeing other people there, I was so caught up in her perfection. The time came to say goodnight. I wanted SO BADLY to kiss her... but I didn’t know how. So I hugged her, and said goodnight.

Some time passed, we continued to pass notes for a while and I loved every one of them. I had fallen for her, as much as a 9th grader could. Things were looking up for me in my life! But then I got a very particular phone call. It was her, and she told me that her mom told her we couldn't date anymore. I was devastated! I couldn't believe a girl I liked so much couldn't date. I didn't know what to do, and I got VERY awkward. We began to grow apart, mostly because of my awkwardness and not knowing how to deal with the situation. She stopped by my house one day to give me a pink creature made of clay, and I loved it. I saw her mom sitting in the car outside, so I figured she was waiting for Aimee. I didn't invite her in because of that (later she told me she wanted me to invite her in... I was such a stupid kid!) That was the last time I remember seeing her for some time. I was crushed.

More time passed, and the pink clay creature sat on top of my stereo for years before my dog got a hold of it. I never imagined we would ever be together again. I dated other girls, became more comfortable around girls, had some girlfriends.... and became content with my life. I began dating a girl for a while, and she asked me to Red Mountain's Prom. I went and just so happened to run into someone very special.....

To be continued....

The Song

Penguins Mate for Life

Humans like to think of themselves as a faithful species, but when it comes to true fidelity, many other animals offer better examples of how to keep a relationship together. Although monogamy and lifelong pair bonds are generally rare in the animal kingdom, here's a list of animals that pull it off:

1. Lovebirds
2. Gibbons
3. Swans
4. Black Vultures
5. Sea Horses
6. French Angelfish
7. Wolves
8. Albatrosses
9. Termites
10. Prairie Voles
11. Schistosoma mansoni worms
12. Bald Eagles
13. Barn Owls
14. Beavers
15. Ospreys
16. Pigeons
17. Dolphins

and, of course,