So I will! I just want to express some things I have been feeling recently. First and foremost is how much I LOVE Aimee. She is all I have ever wanted in a girl. A while back, I created a mental list of things I want in my future wife. Things included: Kind and loving, outgoing, funny, helpful, likes to meet new people, can sing and dance, likes the same music as me… the list goes on. And I devised a few simple tests! I told myself I wouldn’t marry a girl that couldn’t pass the tests. They were, as follows; 1: I must find her beautiful! 2: she has to hold my dads glass eye. And finally, 3: we have to sing at the top of our lungs in the car. To me, these tests were the perfect trifecta. First, ill be attracted to her. Although looks aren’t everything, it is important in a relationship. Second, if she holds my dads eye, it will tell me a few things. It will tell me she is comfortable with my family, and that although she may not enjoy it, she is willing to get her hands dirty (ewwwww). Finally, when we sing at the top of our lungs in the car, it means she is confident, fun, comfortable with me, and that she will be the one I want to marry! Aimee passed every test. In one day. I was in awe! I finally found her. The girl I had prayed for for all these years! There she was, standing right in front of me.
This also helps me reflect on another neat connection I have had with Aimee. I remember one night, I had been struggling with relationships and generally frustrated with my inability to find the girl of my dreams, and I basically started loosing hope she existed. I felt an impression. My future wife was out there, somewhere. And it got even deeper. I felt like I should pray for her because she was in need. SHE felt alone in that moment. So I prayed. I felt so much peace and comfort that night. And I felt like she knew I was there for her, even though she may not fully understand. Aimee told me of a night where she felt alone, but she felt comforted. And I knew that was the same night I prayed. Cheesy as this may sound, I know that is what happened! Every time I reflect on that night, and look at where we are at, I just begin to be in awe of it all! It all makes sense now.
I have been struggling from being away from Aimee recently. Every day that passes, I become more and more sure she is all I ever wanted. And it is difficult being away from the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I think it is also especially difficult because we aren’t sealed, it scares me. But I believe the lord wants this for the both of us, so I know everything will be ok. It’s just hard. And sometimes because of my struggling, Aimee catches on, and I make her feel bad. I’m far too transparent with her! Which I think is a good thing! I just miss her so much. I want her all to myself (selfish I know… hehe). I just feel like this is so right, and I have been waiting so long for this, and its like “oh you have to wait longer!! Isn’t that great??” and I’m like “NO.” (I don’t know whom I was talking to there…. The universe maybe?) But everything will be ok. I just know it.
That last paragraph was a little downer, but ill make up for it in here… kinda. Hehe! I want to marry her, as we know, and I want to be with her always. I want to propose to her as soon as possible. But there are many contributing factors that complicate things. Her parents for one… I look up to them like you wouldn’t believe. I really genuinely like them a lot! They are nice, fun, funny, laid back, I look to them as I would my own parents. And they are worried. I know they like me a little (haha) but I want them to trust me with Aimee. I want them to know I would never hurt Aimee. And if I do, that I will do everything in my power to make it up to her. I want them to know I will never abandon Aimee, and that this love I have for her will never fade. It has remained the same through 10 years without even being with her. I know it would last for the rest of our lives and beyond! (to infinity… and beyond!) I just hope that they will see that, believe me, and trust me with their daughter. I want their approval! And I will work my hardest to get that, and maintain that forever.
Alas, church is soon. But I just felt like I need to express these things. Aimee already knows these, so I guess this is just going on the internets for myself. A sort of journal if you will! I love that girl more than I ever even thought possible. I firmly believe we can get through anything. Aimee, I love you.
(P.s. sorry for the grammatical errors, and somewhat discombobulated thought patterns.)
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