The Breakup

I feel the need to explain why David and I broke up when I was 18...

I mean, in hindsight it's like, "Why did you guys ever break up? You're perfect for each other!" But there were reasons and I really do think it was for the best that it happened this way.

I have a hard time remembering, but I think we dated the summer after I graduated. I was staying in AZ and planning to go to CGCC in the fall. I went to Ryan Judd's farewell and saw David there. This time he asked for my number and asked me out. I hadn't had a boyfriend in a few months so I was ready for a relationship, but it started getting serious fast.

David is a pretty intense guy when it comes to relationships. He loves with all his heart--which is so wonderful. It can be a little overwhelming when you're 18 though. There were other things that complicated everything, too:

1. David was/is kind of clingy. I'm not saying this to be mean...he knows it's true! For me, in that time of my life, this was a difficult thing for me to deal with. I would get annoyed easily.

2. Not to be uncouth, but to put it honestly, but I am really attracted to David. Which is of course a good thing, but when you're 18, female, and Mormon no one talks about things like that. I felt like I shouldn't feel that way about him, but I wasn't sure how to tell him, "Um, we probably shouldn't spend a lot of time alone together because I might attack you..." Awkward, right?

3. Life Plans. (I don't think David knows this) I have always known exactly what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go to school, etc. At this time, David didn't seem like he had a lot of ambition. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do with his life, and for some reason I was unsettled by that. I felt like I couldn't figure out how I would fit into his future if he didn't have any idea what that future looked like.

4. David was leaving for 2 years. This was probably the biggest reason. I was never the kind of girl that would ever sit on her butt and write her missionary. So I just figured it would be better to break up before it got serious rather than "Dear John-ing" him halfway through his mission.

All of these things weren't really anyone's fault; just part of life. I guess at that point I wasn't willing to deal with them...I was 18. I wanted to date and have fun...but not too much fun ;)

I think I handled it badly though. I am pretty sure I just stopped talking with David and returning his calls.

I went off to CGCC and found some air-headed guy to date. He was fun, simple, and uncomplicated. I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere and I was okay with that. Simple and shallow was what I wanted at the time.

I wish I could go back in time and explain to David why the time wasn't right for me then. I know that I did a number on his self esteem...and it really wasn't his fault at all. In fact, with just a few years of time, all of the "problems" have resolved themselves! Let's take a look:

1. David is still clingy...but I LOVE IT! After spending 4 years being completely ignored, I now realize that I need to be needed. I am needy and I'll admit it proudly. I love to know that David is thinking about me...because I am thinking about him too. And in his defense, he has gotten much better at being chill when I don't text him back right away.

2. I am still crazy about David, but now I've learned that it's "okay" to feel that way! And I feel comfortable enough with him and myself to be honest about my feelings; so I can tell him when it's time to take me home and he can know that it's not because I'm bored. :)

3. David is so ambitious now. I admire his drive and his intelligence more than ever. We are now so well matched in our thirst for knowledge and our passion for life. I feel like we are an unstoppable team now and that we are going to do amazing things.

4. David is back! Unfortunately now I am the person complicating things... Lucky for me, David is a better person than I am and he has decided that he'll wait for me.

I just hope I don't get a "Dear Jane" letter anytime soon!